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TOEFL essay: Why go to university?

TOEFL essay: Why go to university? XGoBE
Nowadays, getting into a university or a college is a desire for most people. Different people have various reasons for getting into university based on their social, cultural, or even family background. However, as far as I concerned, getting into university is necessary for one’s future due to some reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, it is clear that university provides us with wide knowledge about things around us. As a matter of fact, we have deep understanding about society thanks to the lessons in classes. This not only broadens our knowledge but also helps others. More importantly, nowadays, university is a symbol of high education. A degree from a university makes us stand out among others. For instance, it is true that an international company only hire those who have at least a Bachelor’s degree. In general, universities give us a chance to broaden our mind. In addition, university ensures a decent job for the students in the future after graduating. As a result of accomplishment a four-year study, it is not difficult for students to find a job which help them afford their own livings. Moreover, graduating students also have good environment network place with friendly peers, good bosses, and interesting works thanks to the graduated degree. A very good example is my brother, who had graduated University of Michigan last two year, is working at Amazon as a research assistant. He can afford his own livings and supports financial problems in my family. Moreover, his working environment is enjoyable with creative and hard working coworkers. In short, university makes it possible by ensuring a decent job. In conclusion, there is no doubt that university gives us a chance to improve ourshelves. This not only provides wide knowledge but also ensure a decent job for us in the future. As a result, it is clear that everyone must get into university or college to complete himself.
Nowadays, getting into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or a college is a desire for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have various reasons for getting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
based on their social, cultural, or even family background.
However
, as far as I concerned, getting into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is necessary for one’s future due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provides us with wide knowledge about things around us. As a matter of fact, we have deep understanding about society thanks to the lessons in classes. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broadens our knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
others. More
importantly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a symbol of high education. A degree from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us stand out among others.
For instance
, it is true that an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hire those who have at least a Bachelor’s degree.
In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
give us a chance to broaden our mind.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
ensures a decent job for the students in the future after graduating.
As a result
of accomplishment a four-year study, it is not difficult for students to find a job which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them afford their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
livings.
Moreover
, graduating students
also
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment network place with friendly peers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
bosses, and interesting works thanks to the graduated degree. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is my brother, who had
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Michigan last two year, is working at Amazon as a research assistant. He can afford his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
livings and supports financial problems in my family.
Moreover
, his working environment is enjoyable with creative and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
coworkers. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible by ensuring a decent job.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
gives us a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
ourshelves
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides wide knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ensure a decent job for us in the future.
As a result
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college to complete himself.
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IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Why go to university?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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