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Describe a fear you had to overcome How did you overcome it

Describe a fear you had to overcome How did you overcome it LrqWG
No matter how strong we are, but deep inside our hearts, there is always a fear of something that frightened us. It could be a phobia of heights or airplanes or even a fear to lose our beloved ones. Sometimes we succeed to overcome that feeling but sometimes we don’t. For me, the biggest fear since I was a child is to lose my parents. I couldn’t accept the idea of living a single day without them. But fortunately, I was capable to overcome in different ways. Like seeking professional advice, getting closer to God and I train myself to always be positive. I always help but wonder, why people have to die and leave behind their loved ones to grieve? That question was the reason to raise a fear inside my heart of losing my parents. I have always taken care of them as if I was their caretaker. If any of them had gotten sick, I would be woken up all night checking on him/her and giving medications if any on time. Then I suddenly lost my mother which has turned my world upside down. That has made me feel that I could lose my dad as well anytime, so my fear grew up. I asked for help from a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist who started to call me every week. She was so helpful, especially that she has known my family since we were kids which eased up our sessions until I felt better and that I finally was able to control my fear. As a Muslim, I thought since I’m doing my prayers regularly, fasting Ramadan(Our fasting month), reading Quraan(our holy book) and being nice to people is all I needed to be close to God. I thought what else God would need from us? But the answer to that question had opened new windows in my life. Windows that had brought more peace and serenity because when I was looking for something from God, he gave me more. Consequently, the fear in my heart was replaced with calmness as God had promised in all the Holly books. I started to read books that train you on how to think positively and get rid of all the negative thoughts. For instance, when I start thinking and worrying about my dad, I grab a piece of paper and type everything about it as the book said. So I feel like I’m looking right at my problem and think how small it is. It wasn't that simple in the beginning, but as I have said by practicing only and determination to get cured I was able to succeed. In conclusion, it was very important to overcome my fear, because it was consuming my energy to live a normal life-like everybody else. Thus by medical help, having faith in God and fighting the negativity in me I got what I have wanted.
No matter how strong we are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
deep inside our hearts, there is always a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
of something that frightened us. It could be a phobia of heights or airplanes or even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
to lose our beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we succeed to overcome that feeling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we don’t. For me, the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
since I was a child is to lose my parents. I couldn’t accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of living a single day without them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
fortunately
, I was capable to overcome in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. Like seeking professional advice, getting closer to God and I train myself to always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
wonder, why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to grieve? That question was the reason to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
inside my heart of losing my parents. I have always taken care of them as if I was their caretaker. If any of them had gotten sick, I would
be woken
up all night checking on him/her and giving medications if any on time. Then I
suddenly
lost my mother which has turned my world upside down. That has made me feel that I could lose my dad
as well
anytime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
grew up. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to call me every week. She was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful,
especially
that she has known my family since we were kids which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
up our sessions until I felt better and that I
finally
was able to control my fear.

As a Muslim, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
since I’m doing my prayers
regularly
, fasting Ramadan(Our fasting month), reading
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quraan
(our holy book) and being nice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
all I needed to be close to God. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
what else God would need from us?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the answer to that question had opened new windows in my life. Windows that had brought more peace and serenity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when I was looking for something from God, he gave me more.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
in my heart
was replaced
with calmness as God had promised in all the Holly books.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to read books that train you on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
positively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts.
For instance
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking and worrying about my dad, I grab a piece of paper and type everything about it as the book said.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I feel like I’m looking right at my problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
it is. It wasn't that simple in the beginning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as I have said by practicing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and determination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cured I was able to succeed.

In conclusion
, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to overcome my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fear
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was consuming my energy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal life-like everybody else.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
by medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, having faith in God and fighting the negativity in me I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
what I have wanted.

IELTS essay Describe a fear you had to overcome How did you overcome it

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
486 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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