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Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations. Discuss this view and give your own opinion. oWg3
These days, the lives of many adolescents tend to be more complicated than they were before. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my personal point of view. First of all, it is widely believed that in the past the majority of young people were under the pressure of war. It has taken many lives and caused a lot of damage to many countries. At that time many people were suffering from that, as well as those who were more than 16 years old were sent to the army including the big numbers of adolescents. The Second World War could be a suitable illustration, due to the fact that the majority of students took part in it and all of them lost their usual way of life. Turning to the other side, the modern world is becoming more competitive in comparison with the past. Due to the developing technologies and the increasing number of opportunities, the competition between young people is rising. Therefore, in many cases, it could be difficult for students to interfere with those priorities of the contemporary world. For instance, these days, graduate is obliged to pass many exams in his institution in order to enter a college or university and there are limited places for winners. Summarizing both ideas mentioned above, I firmly believe that the majority of teenagers in the past have more stressful lives than those who live in the present. The past includes many terrible occasions such as war which caused many issues for all people.
These days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents tend to be more complicated than they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my personal point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
widely
believed that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
the majority of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were under the pressure of war. It has taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
damage to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. At that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were suffering from that,
as well
as those who were more than 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the army including the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
numbers of adolescents. The Second World War could be a suitable illustration, due to the fact that the majority of students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in it and all of them lost their usual way of life.

Turning to the other side, the modern world is becoming more competitive
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Due to the developing technologies and the increasing number of opportunities, the competition between young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
rising.
Therefore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, it could be difficult for students to interfere with those priorities of the contemporary world.
For instance
, these days, graduate
is obliged
to pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
exams in his institution in order to enter a college or university and there
are limited
places for winners.

Summarizing both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
mentioned above, I
firmly
believe that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
have more stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
than those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the present. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terrible occasions such as war which caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Today's teenagers have more stressful lives than previous generations. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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