Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and suggest solutions. v.5

Today the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and suggest solutions. v. 5
Some people believe that urban dwellers do not enjoy good quality of life. Anecdotal evidence shows that city life is stressful to mankind and depression is rampant in the overcrowded cities. The most prominent reason behind this is that interaction among the urban people is on the fall. They often fail to communicate effectively with their neighbors and friends, which in turn creates a sense of insecurity among individuals. Each and every person is living in their own isolated virtual world, unable to share their feelings and emotions or exude empathy towards each other, creating far reaching repercussions. For instance, children dwelling in cities are prone to depression, when compared to village children. Hence it is clear that the rampant lack of communication among people in overcrowded cities is the rudimentary reason behind the decrease in quality of their life. Urban dwellers also have to cope with several other issues like pollution, traffic congestion and higher cost of living. Pollution increases their risk of developing various illnesses and even reduces their longevity. There are several solutions to this problem. Making urban areas less congested by improving employment opportunities in rural areas is one of them. It is also important to improve interaction between people. Regular social occasions, events or games can be arranged by the like-minded groups to encourage people to socialize. Such platforms must be made available to the public so that they can share their feelings and engage in teamwork. Thus they can reduce the stress of city life and improve its quality. To sum up, even though modern facilities are readily available in urban regions, quality and moral standards of life are deteriorating rapidly due to a variety of reasons. However, these problems can be solved to a great extent if the government and the residents take concerted action.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
dwellers do not enjoy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Anecdotal evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is stressful to mankind and depression is rampant in the overcrowded cities.

The most prominent reason behind this is that interaction among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
on the fall. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fail to communicate
effectively
with their neighbors and friends, which in turn creates a sense of insecurity among individuals. Each and every person is living in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
isolated virtual world, unable to share their feelings and emotions or exude empathy towards each other, creating
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
far reaching
repercussions.
For instance
, children dwelling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are prone to depression, when compared to village children.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the rampant lack of communication among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the rudimentary reason behind the decrease in quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Urban
dwellers
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with several other issues like pollution, traffic congestion and higher cost of living. Pollution increases their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing various illnesses and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their longevity.

There are several solutions to this problem. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas less congested by improving employment opportunities in rural areas is one of them. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Regular social occasions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or games can
be arranged
by the like-minded groups to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize. Such platforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
available to the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can share their feelings and engage in teamwork.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its quality.

To sum up,
even though
modern facilities are
readily
available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
regions, quality and moral standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are deteriorating
rapidly
due to a variety of reasons.
However
, these problems can
be solved
to a great extent if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the residents take concerted action.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Today the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and suggest solutions. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts