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Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society? BJRwm
The urbanization effects [affects]no only the society but also on citizens. One of the significant change is that a decreasing amount of space is occupied by family events and activities in recent decades. Instead, people tend to consume their moments on socialization and working recently. First of all, it is true that there are increasing categories of social activities for citizens nowadays, such as karaoke, board games, snowboarding and going to the cinema, and most of these activities are generally affordable to most of the persons. This leads to plenty of people hang out with friends or families during their spare moment instead of staying at home, as it is obviously more attractive to spend more hours on those social activities. Furthermore, the relatively high pressure on working is another reason why people have to work extra hours nowadays and not be able to spare hours for homes. This phenomenon is mainly caused by the high competition in job markets globally, most of the employees are responsible for overload tasks which are not able to complete at working hours. For instance, it becomes a common situation that some staff are currently working under a “nine to nine” work period. Hence, those employees are obviously short of time to spend in their homes. For the consequences of staying fewer moments at home, I believe that it is both harmful and beneficial for individuals, but it might be more advantageous to society. In terms of individuals, compared to the past when there were a few of [ a few]entertaining facilities, it is undeniable that the latest entertainments dramatically enrich our life. On the other hand, the situation might result in the [a]shortage of communication between families. In terms of society, I think that because there are more consumptions on [in]service industries, the economy is promoted. Additionally, the job markets are generally more energetic as people working longer than before. In conclusion, in my opinion, the abundant leisure activities and the high workload cause people to stay at home relatively short, and this phenomenon may affect both personal life and the whole communities.
The urbanization effects [affects]no
only
the society
but
also
on citizens. One of the significant
change
is that a decreasing amount of space
is occupied
by family
events
and
activities
in recent decades.
Instead
,
people
tend to consume their moments on socialization and
working
recently.

First of all
, it is true that there are increasing categories of social
activities
for citizens nowadays, such as karaoke, board games, snowboarding and going to the cinema, and most of these
activities
are
generally
affordable to most of the persons. This leads to
plenty
of
people
hang out with friends or families during their spare moment
instead
of staying at home, as it is
obviously
more attractive to spend more
hours
on those social activities.

Furthermore
, the
relatively
high pressure on
working
is another reason why
people
have to
work extra
hours
nowadays and not be able to spare
hours
for
homes
. This phenomenon is
mainly
caused by the high competition in job markets globally, most of the employees are responsible for overload tasks which are not able to complete at
working
hours
.
For instance
, it becomes a common situation that
some
staff
are
currently
working
under a “nine to nine” work period.
Hence
, those employees are
obviously
short of time to spend in their homes.

For the consequences of staying fewer moments at home, I believe that it is both harmful and beneficial for individuals,
but
it might be more advantageous to society. In terms of individuals, compared to the past when there were a few of
[
a few]entertaining facilities, it is undeniable that the latest entertainments
dramatically
enrich our life.
On the other hand
, the situation might result in the [a]shortage of communication between families. In terms of society, I
think
that
because
there are more
consumptions on
[in]service industries, the economy
is promoted
.
Additionally
, the job markets are
generally
more energetic as
people
working
longer than
before
.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, the abundant leisure
activities
and the high workload cause
people
to stay at home
relatively
short, and this phenomenon may affect both personal life and the whole communities.
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IELTS essay Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
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Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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