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Today many children spend a lof of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it?...

Today many children spend a lof of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? . . . ldGVD
Due to the evolution of science and technology, the entertainment applications for youngsters are enhanced with numerous kinds of computer games which have a massive attraction to each young player. This leads to an obvious consequence that a large number of children are enjoying playing games in their leisure time instead of taking exercises and it is undoubtedly true that this trend is accurately disadvantageous for them. There is an undeniable fact that games from computers are having massive attractions to learners who aged less than 14. With the development of present-day technology, various cyber arenas with colorful images for satisfying the eyes of joiners and those arena contents are fascinated them with value prizes which can create motivation for each player consuming their time to enjoy. Consequently, young students will feel that being the champion of each contest or a battle will bring confidence to them and so, their time fund will be massively contributed to this entertainment. With the development of youngster trend due to play video games rather than sports, children will be disadvantageously affected if they can not balance between those two activities. When they come face to face with computers for more than 3 hours per day, their eyes may be impacted in a negative way by the ray of the screen and the result with this habit will occur that when they become older with the age of more than 60, they can have blinded eyes. Next, using less time on sports will decrease the stamina of young inhabitants and increase the rate of disease such as cancers in the future since their bodies have not enough defense against the outdoor negative factors. In conclusion, the evolution of video games can bring to youngster the convenience and confidence but this will be an adverse trend if they contribute almost of their time for entertaining instead of physical activities.
Due to the evolution of science and technology, the entertainment applications for youngsters
are enhanced
with numerous kinds of computer
games
which have a massive attraction to each young player. This leads to an obvious consequence that
a large number of
children are enjoying playing
games
in their leisure
time
instead
of taking exercises and it is
undoubtedly
true that this trend is
accurately
disadvantageous for them. There is an undeniable fact that
games
from computers are having massive attractions to learners who aged less than 14. With the development of present-day technology, various cyber arenas with colorful images for satisfying the eyes of joiners and those arena contents
are fascinated
them with value prizes which can create motivation for each player consuming their
time
to enjoy.
Consequently
, young students will feel that being the champion of each contest or a battle will bring confidence to them and
so
, their
time
fund will be
massively
contributed to this entertainment. With the development of youngster trend due to play video
games
rather
than sports, children will be
disadvantageously
affected
if they can not balance between those two activities. When they
come
face to face with computers for more than 3 hours per day, their eyes may
be impacted
in a
negative
way by the ray of the screen and the result with this habit will occur that when they become older with the age of more than 60, they can have blinded eyes.
Next
, using less
time
on sports will decrease the stamina of young inhabitants and increase the rate of disease such as cancers in the future since their bodies have not
enough
defense against the outdoor
negative
factors.

In conclusion
, the evolution of video
games
can bring to youngster the convenience and confidence
but
this will be an adverse trend if they contribute almost of their
time
for entertaining
instead
of physical activities.
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IELTS essay Today many children spend a lof of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? . . .

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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