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to take a year out between finishing school and starting university

to take a year out between finishing school and starting university 0EOgO
Nowadays, most of young people give a year break before the university education. Although I believe that taking one year away from school has some difficulties, I agree that the experience of non-academic life is mainly benefitical to the individual. I believe that education lead to decrease students’ creativity. When students begin to wear same uniform and sitting same chairs every day, their brain begin to think with same way and in the end they are losing their imagination. Also the experience of non-academic life can open up new ideas in young people’s brain. They can discover their interest and be more quality person. They can travel new countries, learn new languages and develop their personal and social life. Furthermore they can gain their creativity back which they lost during their education. Most of people studying at college about area which they really dont want. But unfortunately when they realize it, they are already study about the field which they choose before. Giving pause can give chance to students to understand what they really want. For example I have a friend who always want to be engineer. Before university he decided to take a year pause. After he gave pause to his education, he began to travel in different countries. During his travel, he met with different type of people and discover the world. He had to chance to met with people who is doing engineering job. In the end he realized his interest different than he knows so he returned from make a huge mistake. On the other hand, giving pause can effect young people’s motivation and they can live some problems such as focusing again education. To conclude, although there are some risks for students such as losing focus to study, take a year out before university education can give several benefits to young people. They can begin to think outside the box and have valuable experiences after this break. These benefits can effect their education positively when they return education.
Nowadays, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Although I believe that taking one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
away from school has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the experience of non-academic life is
mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitical
to the individual.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lead to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
creativity. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to wear same uniform and sitting same chairs every day, their brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
with same way and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they are losing their imagination.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the experience of non-academic life can open up new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
brain. They can discover their interest and be more quality person. They can travel new countries, learn new languages and develop their personal and social life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
they can gain their creativity back which they lost during their education.

Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying at college about area which they
really
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately when they realize it, they are already study about the field which they choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pause
can give chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand what they
really
want. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, I".
example I
have a friend who always want to be
Consider using a past participle here: "engineered".
engineer
.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
The comma is probably missing here: "university, he".
university he
decided to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pause
. After he gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pause
to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, he began to travel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. During his travel, he met with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and discover the world. He had to chance to met with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
doing engineering job. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
he realized his interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
he knows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he returned from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge mistake.

On the other hand
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pause
can effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
motivation and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as focusing again education.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
such as losing focus to study, take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can give several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
outside the box and have valuable experiences after this break. These benefits can effect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
positively
when they return
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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IELTS essay to take a year out between finishing school and starting university

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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