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These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, people spand a significant part of their earnings to visit the some events: olympics games, musical concerts and other sports events. In modern world, this causes controversy. In recent days, few public allocate a lot of incomes on events and concerts. However, I firmly believe that it has advantageous upgradation. It has lot of positive effects. Firstly, we can keep these events memorable; tell our friends and relatives too. Secondly, people want to reduce their stress level of their hectic life, so they spend enormous fund on this kind of activities. For instance, according to a recent survey, people in Israel have a new procedure to relive their tension on weekends, with 32. 1% of them engaging in sporting and traditional activities. Furthermore, a family can be got opportunity to spending leisure time with each other. Today's young generations are huge fan of artists and sports person and they attend their events. So this young people got chance to meet them. Another point to consider that by attending these occasions, people learn to respect differents customes and sports. In this modern world, entertainment became a part of day-to-day life. It makes people of busy life happy and relaxed by giving some time in entertainment. For instance, based on the survey of TOI-Times Of India, 52% of people in India are interested in spending their quality time watching sport matches such as cricket, basketball and football which relax them from their workaholic life. Therefore, it is worthy of spending amount of money on tickets. To conclude, although spending a vast amount of money on tickts gives us relaxation and we can learn a different culture. We have fun in big events. Overall, this kinds of events are advantageous for people in today's life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
spand
a significant part of their earnings to visit the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
:
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
games, musical concerts and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. In modern world, this causes controversy. In recent days,
Possible agreement error. The noun public seems to be uncountable; consider using: "little public".
few public
allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
incomes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and concerts.
However
, I
firmly
believe that it has advantageous
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgradation
. It has
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
Firstly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
memorable;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
our friends and relatives too.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they spend enormous fund on this kind of activities.
For instance
, according to a recent survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Israel have a new procedure to relive their tension on weekends, with 32. 1% of them engaging in sporting and traditional activities.
Furthermore
, a family can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
leisure time with each other.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's young generations are huge fan of artists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they attend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them. Another point to consider that by attending these occasions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn to respect
Possible spelling mistake found.
differents
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "customs", the plural form of the noun 'custom'?
customes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this modern world, entertainment became a part of day-to-day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happy and relaxed by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time in entertainment.
For instance
, based on the survey of
Possible spelling mistake found.
TOI-Times
Of India, 52% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
their quality time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
matches such as cricket, basketball and football which relax them from their workaholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, it is worthy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
amount of money on tickets.
To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a vast amount of money on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tickts
gives us
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
relaxation and
we can learn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture. We have fun in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Overall
,
Did you mean "these"?
this
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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