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These days, people are living into their 90’s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

Nowadays, elderly people lives in their 90’s and beyond and taking care of them is major issue. In this case, family members have the major role to look after them instead of the government. First of all, family members are the closest person of the elderly people. Old people wants to stay with their family due to the mental satisfaction. They think that no-one in this earth look after them as family members do. They have some personal requirement that can only be fulfill by their own people. During their old age, if they live outside their home that will reduce their keen to live as well as fall in depression. For example, in our country there are few old age home where old citizen lives and the common problem of that old age home is that they do not want to live any more without their relatives. Secondly, Government may take the responsibility to look after them but it also reduce their life expectancy. Government do not have the capability to take care of them individually whereas a family can do. When an old citizen lives with his family can fulfill his daily basic needs including his personal requirements but in case of living in government owned old home its not possible. For example, state owned old home only provide the daily basic needs that include meals, cloths and accommodation and do not focus on personal needs. In conclusion, elder people needs individual care for their survival and that can be provided by the family not by the government.
Nowadays, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
lives
in their
Apostrophes aren’t needed for decades: “90s”.
90’s
and beyond and taking care of them is major issue.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have the major role to look after them
instead
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are the closest person of the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
due to the mental satisfaction. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that no-one in this earth look after them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members do. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal requirement that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
Consider using either the past participle “fulfilled” or the present participle “fulfilling” here.
fulfill
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. During their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
outside their home that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
as well
as fall in depression.
For example
, in our country there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age home where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and the common problem of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age home is that they do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Did you mean the adverb “anymore”?
any more
without their relatives.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
may take the responsibility to look after them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “reduces”.
reduce
their life expectancy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
do not have the capability to take care of them
individually
whereas a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can do. When an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can fulfill his daily basic needs including his personal requirements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in case of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
home
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
not possible.
For example
, state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide the daily basic needs that include meals, cloths and accommodation and do not focus on personal needs.

In conclusion
, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
needs
individual care for their survival and that can
be provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
not by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
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IELTS essay These days, people are living into their 90’s and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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