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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? xBE1
Due to the rapid developments of the technology, there is an increasing number of people choose to use mobile phones and the internet socializing. Personally, I think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage. This essay is going to cover both advantages and disadvantages for using mobile phone and internet to connect with people and why I believe it is more beneficial to us. One of the main benefits for people to social via internet and mobile phone is because it does not have any district limitation. People is able to chat and greet with people overseas easily by phone call or video call. For instance, in Hong Kong, there are many domestics worker from Philippines or Indonesia who have to leave their hometown for job. Then, mobile phones and internet become the most convenient and important tool for them to keep in touch with their family members. Furthermore, socializing by phone and internet can effectively reduce the risk to spread virus and deceases. During interaction with the others, there will be much saliva spearing to the other, which will increase the chance to transmit sickness. The recent breakout of COVID-19 in about 2020 is a great illustration to show how people to keep contact with the others using technological gadgets without exposing themselves to the risk of COVID-19. Some worries that reliance on mobile phones and the internet would possibly cause people reluctant to meet people face to face and detrimental to people social’s skill. For example, people may have less genuine interaction with the others. However, I believe that when people can use these technologies properly and not to overuse it, the harm caused by mobile phones and the internet can be reduced. To conclude, although misusing mobile phone and the internet could adversely impact people’s communication skills in real life, there are more advantages to use mobile phone and internet to social with others. Especially, when it is properly used.
Due to the rapid developments of the technology, there is an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet socializing.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage. This essay is going to cover both advantages and disadvantages for using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and internet to connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and why I believe it is more beneficial to us.

One of the main benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to social via internet and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not have any district limitation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
able to chat and greet with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overseas
easily
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
call or video call.
For instance
, in Hong Kong, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
domestics worker
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the Philippines".
from Philippines
or Indonesia who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown for job. Then, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and internet become the most convenient and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their family members.

Furthermore
, socializing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and internet can
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to spread virus and deceases. During interaction with the others, there will be much saliva spearing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, which will increase the chance to transmit sickness. The recent breakout of COVID-19 in about 2020 is a great illustration to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contact with the others using technological gadgets without exposing themselves to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of COVID-19.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
worries that reliance on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet would
possibly
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face to face and detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
social’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have less genuine interaction with the others.
However
, I believe that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these technologies
properly
and not to overuse it, the harm caused by mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

To conclude
, although misusing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and the internet could
adversely
impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in real life, there are more advantages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and internet to social with others.
Especially
, when it is
properly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
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IELTS essay These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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