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Some people say schools should focus on teaching student academic subjects that will be useful in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people say schools should focus on teaching student academic subjects that will be useful in the future. bQp8l
Nowadays, people are putting faith in core subjects that guarantee success in the most prevalent fields worldwide, such as engineering or economics. Nevertheless, subjects such as art or music ought not to be discredited merely because they are not widely regarded as means of providing sufficient income. From my perspective, I concur with the idea of studying core subjects to a certain degree. First and foremost, academic subjects such as maths or natural sciences open up windows of opportunity for high salary vocations. Those who pursuit these subjects will end up being the most fundamental workforce in foreseeable future, ensuring the development of society as a whole. In order for humanity to have groundbreaking innovations, experts in science tend to be the one with most duty. Besides, a great deal of natural phenomenon requires certain understanding of science to some extents. For instance, during a score of months in this Covid period, citizens, especially the elders, should have adequate knowledge of the virus itself to avoid contraction. Therefore, those who are eminent authority on this particular matter will have a huge advantage over those who have not studied. With that being said, including art or music as compulsory subjects in schools is unambiguously not drawbacks. As entertainment industries are gaining traction these days, artistic field can surely offer a huge leap for individuals whose occupations pertain to art or music. Not only are they able to immerse themselves in the career they have been yearning for ages but they can also earn lots of money as well. In spite of the fact that celebrities’ income is overstated, they are still worthwhile of the salary that they have devoted their intellect to. To this end, it is concrete proof that individuals who defer university enrollment will still have a viable job to meet their daily needs. In conclusion, although academic subjects are undoubtedly the pivotal aspect for advancement of humanity, including art or music in curricula will not have adverse bearing on students. Educational systems should implement these subjects as a way for students to choose their future ambitions.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are putting faith in core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that guarantee success in the most prevalent fields worldwide, such as engineering or economics.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
ought not to
be discredited
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
widely
regarded as means of providing sufficient income. From my perspective, I concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of studying core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to a certain degree.

First
and foremost, academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
or natural sciences open up windows of opportunity for high salary vocations. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursuit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being the most fundamental workforce in foreseeable future, ensuring the development of society as a whole. In order for humanity to have groundbreaking innovations, experts in science tend to be the one with most duty.
Besides
, a great deal of natural phenomenon requires certain understanding of science to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents.
For instance
, during a score of months in this
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
period, citizens,
especially
the elders, should have adequate knowledge of the virus itself to avoid contraction.
Therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are eminent authority on this particular matter will have a huge advantage over those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have not studied.

With that
being said
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in schools is
unambiguously
not drawbacks. As entertainment industries are gaining traction these days, artistic field can
surely
offer a huge leap for individuals whose occupations pertain to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they able to immerse themselves in the career they have been yearning for ages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
earn lots of money
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that celebrities’ income
is overstated
, they are
still
worthwhile of the salary that they have devoted their intellect to. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is concrete proof that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
defer university enrollment will
still
have a viable job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily needs.

In conclusion
, although academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
undoubtedly
the pivotal aspect for advancement of humanity, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in curricula will not have adverse bearing on students. Educational systems should implement these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as a way for students to choose their future ambitions.
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IELTS essay Some people say schools should focus on teaching student academic subjects that will be useful in the future.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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