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These days, in some countries, the number of teenagers visiting theaters and classical concerts or plays seriously plummeted

These days, in some countries, the number of teenagers visiting theaters and classical concerts or plays seriously plummeted BLqJX
These days, in some countries, the number of teenagers visiting theaters and classical concerts or plays seriously plummeted. This essay will discuss the underlying causes before justifying my approval of having some encouragements for them to attend more. To begin with, there are two main reasons for this phenomenon. Firstly, the lack of time lies at the root of this reduction. These days, young people, especially students, are always overloaded with their assignments and homework. Because they cannot arrange a suitable time for going to the theaters or music concerts, many of them opt for listening to this music via the Internet in which young people can access a wide range of songs with just a mouse-click. Secondly, the change in their favorite genre also leads to the decrease of teenagers taking part in these performances. In times of integration, in addition to classical music, these people have more opportunities to listen to various types of music in different countries, such as Kpop in Korea, pop or rock music, …. As a result, the number of young people who are captivated by classical music considerably plummet, which results in the phenomenon that there are a few young people being engaged in classical music performances in theaters or the plays in concerts. Secondly, It is vital for the authorities or government to encourage them to take part in these concerts since the protection of attendances is the preservation of this kind of music. The fewer people participate in these concerts, the fewer classical concerts or performances are held. Moreover, due to the deficiency of young attendants, it is tough for this genre of music to be passed down to the next generations; therefore, it easily becomes obsolete and falls into oblivion. To conclude, I believe that there are two main causes of the reduction in the number of teenagers who go to classical music concerts or plays and visit performances in the theaters. Furthermore, the motivation for these people to take part in more classical music performances is important in order not to allow this traditional kind of music to be outdated.
These days, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
visiting theaters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
or plays
seriously
plummeted. This essay will discuss the underlying causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
justifying my approval of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
encouragements for them to attend more.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main reasons for this phenomenon.
Firstly
, the lack of time lies at the root of this reduction. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
students, are always overloaded with their assignments and homework.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they cannot arrange a suitable time for going to the theaters or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them opt for listening to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
via the Internet in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access a wide range of songs with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a mouse-click.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their favorite genre
also
leads to the decrease of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
taking part in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
. In times of integration,
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more opportunities to listen to various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kpop
in Korea, pop or rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, ….
As a result
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are captivated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
considerably
plummet, which results in the phenomenon that there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
in theaters or the plays in concerts.

Secondly
, It is vital for the authorities or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
since the protection of attendances is the preservation of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
, the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
are held
.
Moreover
, due to the deficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
attendants, it is tough for this genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
be passed
down to the
next
generations;
therefore
, it
easily
becomes obsolete and falls into oblivion.

To conclude
, I believe that there are two main causes of the reduction in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
or plays and visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
in the theaters.
Furthermore
, the motivation for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in order not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
this traditional kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
be outdated
.
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IELTS essay These days, in some countries, the number of teenagers visiting theaters and classical concerts or plays seriously plummeted

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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