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These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development? g5WDD
In the modern society, a lot of young adults spend their whole weekend at home. In my opinion, consequence of hard to get a job, they do not want to spend their time outside, and this situation is negative aspect. This essay will discuss why they prefer to spend their time at home by themselves. Firstly, nowadays get a job is more and more difficult than before. In recent research shows, more than half young people spend their free time at home for flourish themselves. For instance, learn second language or study for get certifications. Because, they want a job or get better job than their original ones. In addition, the people who spend their time for development them, they think spend money and time outside is wasting. They have to save money cause of this situations. Secondly, young adults do not want to make new relationship. They think make a new relationship need a lot of time and money. In addition, many young adults do not want dating and get married. Because they do not have enough money for that. Furthermore, this problem also can leade to population problems, cause they do not want wedding and get babies. In conclusion, I believe that this contemporary society makes young adults stay at home. That is not their choice anymore. They cannot get a job these days. Therefore, they do not want to go out naturally. Also, they do not want to make a new relationship. I think government have to do something for these problems. this is not personal problems.
In the modern society,
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a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
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adults
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spend
their whole weekend at home. In my opinion, consequence of
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hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
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spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside, and this situation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect. This essay will discuss why they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home by themselves.

Firstly
, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more and more difficult than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, more than half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home for flourish themselves.
For instance
, learn second language or study for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
certifications.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
than their original ones.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for development them, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside is wasting. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cause of
Did you mean "these"?
this
situations.

Secondly
,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new relationship. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a new relationship need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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time
and
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money
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
If 'want' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to date".
dating
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they do not have
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enough
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money
for that.
Furthermore
, this
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problem
also
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
leade
to population
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problems
,
Did you mean "because they"?
cause they
do not
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want
wedding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
babies.

In conclusion
, I believe that this contemporary society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
stay at home.
That is
not their choice anymore. They cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
these days.
Therefore
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to go out
naturally
.
Also
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a new relationship. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is not personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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