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These days everyone seems to have more possessions (e.g. computers, cars, mobile phones, etc.). Our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others. Do you agree or disagree?

These days everyone seems to have more possessions (e. g. computers, cars, mobile phones, etc. ). Our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others. Nxrg
Materialism has many drawbacks that affect the value of our community in contrast with our social contract. In the recent years, this behavior creates a nagging attitude towards our life style. Unfortunately, it is a race of obtaining, doesn’t matter where it comes from. People are becoming self-concerned rather than being generous and grateful towards each other. Living in the modern era, we have established many beliefs dictating that every human must be valued and appreciated in accordance to the amount of wealth he or she has. Media, so called as social representator, only projects rich celebrities. As a result of this attitude, most people destroy the social fabric and run after money. They forget their family-training, nature, social and moral values. Furthermore, in past family members were used to gather at evening to share their views, daily routine work and experiences. This type of meetup was a source of strong and warm connection amongst family members. Now-a-days people fly to some exotic island for outing or kill their time using mobile phones. Therefore, they lack real meetups, which is the key factor and bonding element that led people to love each other and maintain kind interrelations. Taking everything into consideration, I admit people today are surrounded with their items considering them as a sign of better status. But each of them is making himself isolated in their own circle and cut-off from society. I believe we should not replace real human qualities with stocks of things. These things can’t be the alternate of personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others.
Materialism has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks that affect the value of our community
in contrast
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contract. In the recent years, this behavior creates a nagging attitude towards our life style. Unfortunately, it is a race of obtaining, doesn’t matter where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming self-concerned
rather
than being generous and grateful towards each other.

Living in the modern era, we have established
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beliefs dictating that every human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be valued
and appreciated in accordance to the amount of wealth he or she has. Media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
representator
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
projects rich celebrities.
As a result
of this attitude, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
fabric and run after money. They forget their family-training, nature,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and moral values.

Furthermore
, in past family members were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to gather at evening to share their views, daily routine work and experiences. This type of meetup was a source of strong and warm connection amongst family members.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exotic island for outing or kill their time using mobile phones.
Therefore
, they lack real meetups, which is the key factor and bonding element that led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each other and maintain kind interrelations.

Taking everything into consideration, I admit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are surrounded
with their items considering them as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of better status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
each of them is making himself isolated in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
circle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-off from society. I believe we should not replace real human qualities with stocks of things. These things can’t be the alternate of personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others.
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IELTS essay These days everyone seems to have more possessions (e. g. computers, cars, mobile phones, etc. ). Our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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