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There ore sorne rnolives for people to work, Some people think money is lhe mosl importont. Do you ogree or disogrce?

There ore sorne rnolives for people to work, Some people think money is lhe mosl importont. Do you ogree or disogrce? Bl0xj
Some people work for love; others work for personal fulfillment. Motivation for work is individual and diverse. lagree with the perspective that money in the most important reason to work, but only in the early stages of ones career. After the basic needs of a person have been fulfilled, other factors become more important. . Admittedly, money is necessary in order for people to meet their basic needs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. However, after a certain period, money starts losing its importance. Most high paid jobs tend to be stressful and involve long working hours. This can lead to many problems in life. People fail to maintain a work-life balance and may suffer a nervous breakdown. That is perhaps why, a very popular trend of 'downshifting' has sprung up in the developed countries. People are giving up promotions and settling for less, so that their family life is not disturbed, and they can give quality time to their spouse and children. This clearly shows that money loses its importance after a particular stage is reached. ln conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that although money certainly affects people's choice of profession, but it is the most important factor only in the early stages of ones career. Once the basic needs have been met with, other factors, such as job satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment become more important.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
; others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for personal fulfillment. Motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is individual and

diverse.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lagree
with the perspective that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the

early stages of
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
career. After the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of a person have
been fulfilled
, other factors become

more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For example
, we all need

money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it a priority to at

least earn a salary that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to cover these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and have a reasonable quality of life.

However
, after a certain period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
losing its importance. Most high paid jobs tend to be

stressful and involve long working hours. This can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
fail to maintain a

work-life balance and may suffer a nervous breakdown.
That is
perhaps why, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular trend of

'downshifting' has sprung up in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are giving up promotions and settling for

less,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their family life is not disturbed, and they can give quality time to their spouse and children.

This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
loses its importance after a particular stage
is reached
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
certainly
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice of profession,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the early stages of
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
career. Once the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
have
been met
with, other factors, such as job satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
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IELTS essay There ore sorne rnolives for people to work, Some people think money is lhe mosl importont. Do you ogree or disogrce?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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