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There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperature rising? How should we deal with this problem?

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperature rising? How should we deal with this problem? goaL
The topic of this task is about increasing of earth's temperature. And behind this situation mainly human's tasks are responsible. Now I will discuss this subject step by step. Firstly, I want to write the main reasons for global warming and definitely those will be man made. And after that I will point out what should we done far this case. Actually there are lot of human's causes for this condition. First of all is cutting trees unnecessarily. It makes our environment totally rough and tough. Nowadays the percentage of raining declining. Various anmilas and birds are extineted dute to this certain change of climate. The second one is increasing industrialization. There are lot of carbon dioxide emitting from various factory. And the plenty of this gas damages earth's atmosphere. Various kinds of vehicles are also responsible for this. Another one is testing various atomic experiment. This type of operation makes irrecoverable losses to our environment. The last one is using different types of electronic devices like air conditioner, refrigerator etr. This causes serious harms of weather. Now it's time for discussing how can we handeling the hitting issue of our nature, Firstly we need to stop immedietely the demolition of trees and we make to ensure planting trees more. Then we need to decreasing industrilisation or find out the the way that can be used in mills for preventing the global warming. After we should conscious about our transports. Consequently we can prevent the hitting problem of earth's surface, Finally we need to ensure halting the atomic experiment. Because at this moment this is the main things to do for preventing this catastrophe. The rising temperature of nature is one the main issue of this era. And we should follow those rules for prevention. Otherwise our earth will face a great danger.
The topic of this task is about increasing

of earth's temperature. And behind this situation
mainly
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human tasks"?
human's tasks
are responsible.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I will discuss this subject step by step.

Firstly
, I want to write the main reasons for global warming and definitely those will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
made. And after that I will point out what should we done far this case.

Actually there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human causes"?
human's causes
for this condition.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
is cutting trees
unnecessarily
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our environment

totally
rough and tough. Nowadays the percentage of raining declining.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Various
Possible spelling mistake found.
anmilas
and birds are
Possible spelling mistake found.
extineted
Possible spelling mistake found.
dute
to this certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of climate.

The second one is increasing industrialization. There are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
carbon dioxide emitting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
factory. And the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of this gas damages earth's atmosphere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Various
kinds of vehicles are
also
responsible for this.

Another one is testing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
atomic experiment. This type of operation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
irrecoverable losses to our environment.

The last one is using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of electronic devices like air conditioner, refrigerator
Possible spelling mistake found.
etr
. This causes serious harms of weather.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it's time for discussing how can we
Possible spelling mistake found.
handeling
the hitting issue of our nature,
Firstly
we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Possible spelling mistake found.
immedietely
the demolition of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trees and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to ensure planting trees more. Then we need to decreasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
industrilisation
or find out
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
way that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in mills for preventing the global warming.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
we
The word 'conscious' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
should conscious
about our transports.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the hitting problem of earth's surface,
Finally
we need to ensure halting the atomic experiment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
at this moment this is the main things to do for preventing this catastrophe.

The rising temperature of nature is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the main issue of this era. And we should follow those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for prevention.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
our earth will face a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
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IELTS essay There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperature rising? How should we deal with this problem?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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