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There is a big gap between the rich and the poor in today's society, and it's getting bigger. Something needs to be done to make people aware of this situation.

There is a big gap between the rich and the poor in today's society, and it's getting bigger. Something needs to be done to make people aware of this situation. GwGJm
Firstly, the media has been disappointingly ineffective so far in shining a light on this state of affairs. The plight of hundreds of millions of people, who are trapped in the vicious circle of extreme poverty, is ignored by the investigative television journalists. Some honest in-depth reporting on their part would, however, educate the public about how desperate the conditions for some are, and this might spur governments to finally take measures to alleviate the suffering of these unfortunate people. In the same way, the third paragraph could then be: Additionally, the schools need to face up to their responsibility here. Despite the fact that their students need to be taught about their own societies, the anguish of children in other parts of the world, who are much worse off, should not be ignored. The underlying social reasons for these conditions needs to be explained, so as to awaken the desire on the part of the students to get involved in movements to eradicate poverty. And then the final paragraph could be: Nevertheless, education is the slow train to progress, whereas what are needed now are immediate results. Only the media can deliver the kind of impact the problem is cying out for, and only the media can communicate with the people who can effect such a change.
Firstly
, the media has been
disappointingly
ineffective
so
far in shining a light on this state of affairs. The plight of hundreds of millions of
people
, who
are trapped
in the vicious circle of extreme poverty, is
ignored
by the investigative television journalists.
Some
honest in-depth reporting on their part would,
however
, educate the public about how desperate the conditions for
some
are, and this might spur
governments
to
finally
take measures to alleviate the suffering of these unfortunate
people
.

In the same way
, the third paragraph could then be:

Additionally
, the schools need to face up to their responsibility here. Despite the fact that their students need to
be taught
about their
own
societies, the anguish of children in other parts of the world, who are much worse off, should not be
ignored
. The underlying social reasons for these conditions needs to be
explained
,
so as to
awaken the desire on the part of the students to
get
involved in movements to eradicate poverty.

And then the final paragraph could be:

Nevertheless
, education is the slow train to progress, whereas what
are needed
now
are immediate results.
Only
the media can deliver the kind of impact the problem is
cying
out for, and
only
the media can communicate with the
people
who can effect such a
change
.
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IELTS essay There is a big gap between the rich and the poor in today's society, and it's getting bigger. Something needs to be done to make people aware of this situation.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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