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There are those who claim that it is proper to add some obligated activities to the curriculum of secondary students.

There are those who argue that a surging number of sports facilities is the most proper way to improve public health, while others claim that there are some other strategies that can be adopted that might have a mammoth impact. As far as I am concerned, although it is crucial to have sufficient facilities, other factors such as media and education may have more effects. On the one hand, no one dispute the fact that the increasing number of facilities provides people with a golden opportunity to use them. That is to say when sports facilities become ubiquitous, it would be easier for people to have access through walking or buses. This might lead to encourage people to register for one of these places and spent time there. Furthermore, the shortage of sports facilities may have detrimental effects. In other words, when the number of facilities becomes less than normal it becomes difficult, for example for people in the countryside, to have access to them. Also, sometimes due to shortage of facilities some of them become overcrowded and because of this reason, people may lose their appetite for exercising. On the other hand, while it is true to say that having a variety of facilities has some merits, in fact, it may not as effective as education or advertising. few people would contest the intrinsic value of education on people’s lifestyle. that is to say, by warning people about the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle government can widen people’s horizons. As a result, people become more cautious about their health. Regarding media, the government can fully exploit the potential of media in order to indoctrinate people with a healthy lifestyle that encourages people by using famous people, such as athletes, artists, and even Instagram influencers. To sum up, I hold the view that there are a wide variety of solutions for addressing public health issues. However, having adequate facilities are essential, the role that media and education play is more significant.
There are those who argue that a surging number of sports facilities is the most proper way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public health, while others claim that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
strategies that can
be adopted
that might have a mammoth impact. As far as I
am concerned
, although it is crucial to have sufficient facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may have more effects.

On the one hand, no one dispute the fact that the increasing number of facilities provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a golden opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
That is
to say when sports facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
ubiquitous, it would be easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have access through walking or buses. This might lead to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to register for one of these places and spent time there.
Furthermore
, the shortage of sports facilities may have detrimental effects. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when the number of facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
less than normal it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
difficult,
for example
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the countryside, to have access to them.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
due to shortage of facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
overcrowded and
because of this
reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose their appetite for exercising.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, while it is true to say that having a variety of facilities has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, in fact, it may not as effective as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or advertising.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would contest the intrinsic value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
that
is to say, by warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can widen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
horizons.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more cautious about their health. Regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
fully
exploit the potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in order to indoctrinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a healthy lifestyle that encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as athletes, artists, and even Instagram influencers.

To sum up, I hold the view that there are a wide variety of solutions for addressing public health issues.
However
, having adequate facilities are essential, the role that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
play is more significant.
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IELTS essay There are those who claim that it is proper to add some obligated activities to the curriculum of secondary students.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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