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There are social, medical and technical problems with mobile phones what are these. Are advantages outweigh disadvantage.

It is true that cellular phones are great achievement of modern technology while it create various social, medical and technological troubles for individuals and society which are discussed in upcoming paragraphs. However, it is surely said that cons of mobile phones superseded its pros easily. To begin with, needless to say with the development of cell phones, people become addicted of its features. Most importantly, online social media sites, although these sites helps individuals to make new friends but it increase the gap between the relation of family members as every individual is bush on their own mobile phone. secondly, mobile technology also cause some serious health related troubles. For example, according to the recent survey of world health organisation, the chances of blood cancers are 70% more in younger generation due to the addiction of phones. Last but not least, mobiles also cause many technical troubles such as, storage space, low speed and overheating. On the flip side, despite of countless drawbacks cell phone technology also provide numerous benefits. First, assist modern generation by providing education knowledge through various online study sites. Secondly, people can contact their near and dear ones at all around the world with the help of modern technology. In conclusion, it is believed that even mobile phones create a number of advantages but its deficiencies cannot be neglected which outweight its merits easily.
It is true that cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are great achievement of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
while it create various social, medical and technological troubles for individuals and society which
are discussed
in upcoming paragraphs.
However
, it is
surely
said that cons of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
superseded its pros
easily
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, needless to say with the development of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become addicted of its features. Most
importantly
, online social media sites, although these sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “increases”.
increase
the gap between the relation of family members as every individual is bush on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
secondly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious health related troubles.
For example
, according to the recent survey of world health
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisation’ is British English.
organisation
, the chances of blood cancers are 70% more in younger generation due to the addiction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, mobiles
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technical troubles such as, storage space, low speed and overheating. On the flip side,
Did you mean “despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
despite of
countless
An apostrophe may be missing.
drawbacks
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
provide numerous benefits.
First
, assist modern generation by providing education knowledge through various online study sites.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can contact their near and dear ones at all around the world with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
In conclusion
, it
is believed
that even mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
create a number of
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its deficiencies cannot
be neglected
which
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
its merits
easily
.

IELTS essay There are social, medical and technical problems with mobile phones what are these. Are advantages outweigh disadvantage.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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