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There are only few people who can explain the definition of traditional or religious festivals while many people only desire to have pleasure by having participation in festivals

There are only few people who can explain the definition of traditional or religious festivals while many people only desire to have pleasure by having participation in festivals W50Ge
There are only few people who can explain the definition of traditional or religious festivals while many people only desire to have pleasure by having participation in festivals. AlthoughI agree that people still recognize the value of festivals, they need exactly to know why festivals are being held. On the one hand, by comparing to the past, people can easily search and share knowledge about festivals online because of technological advancement. Besides, children have to learn about background knowledge of famous annual festivities since their childhood. Moreover, in some schools and universities, students play a role to demonstrate the history of festivals and this is the greatest opportunity for the audience to gain general facts about festivals. For example, many children, including their parents, get acquainted with the events of this festival by wearing traditional clothes and preparing national dishes such as sumalak on Navruz. On the other hand, some people participate in festivals with full of excitement and enjoyment without knowing the purpose of celebration. In addition, some traditional festivals vanished throughout the years because our past generations handed over little information about these festivals to future generations. Furthermore, people look forward to having fun in festivals instead of practising religion or tradition. For instance, on Laylat-ul Qadr, there are few people who praying until morning whereas many people talk each other for enjoyment all night. To sum up, though events related to religion and culture gives us an opportunity to learn old values, in the modern world have totally become a time of fun and enjoyment.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the definition of traditional or religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
desire to have pleasure by having participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
AlthoughI
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
recognize the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, they need exactly to know why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are
being held
. On the one hand, by comparing to the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
search and share knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological advancement.
Besides
, children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn about background knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
annual festivities since their childhood.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools and universities, students play a role to demonstrate the history of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
and this is the greatest opportunity for the audience to gain general facts about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children, including their parents,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
by wearing traditional clothes and preparing national dishes such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
sumalak
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navruz
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
with full of excitement and enjoyment without knowing the purpose of celebration.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
vanished throughout the years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our past generations handed over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
information about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
to future generations.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look forward to having fun in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
religion or tradition.
For instance
, on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Laylat-ul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qadr
, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who praying until morning whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talk each other for enjoyment all night. To sum up, though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
related to religion and culture gives us an opportunity to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
values, in the modern world have
totally
become a time of fun and enjoyment.
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IELTS essay There are only few people who can explain the definition of traditional or religious festivals while many people only desire to have pleasure by having participation in festivals

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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