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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

The popularity of people listening to music is increasing day by day. Today, there are various kinds of music present in the world. This essay will outline the reasons why people need music and why traditional music is more vital than the International music that is heard by every people nowadays. Music plays a very important role in a human's mind and body. Although there are several reasons for the need for music, two reasons are there which is very important. Firstly, music helps to soothe and relax the mind of a person. When a person is very tired, music enables him to make his mind relax and give soothing. For example, It's found that more than 70% of people listen to music when they are tensed and wanted to relax. Therefore, it is the best way to keep one's body relaxed and tension free. Secondly, different kinds of music of different states and countries enable a diversity of culture. When people will listen to the music of every state, then it will bring people together and a sense of inclusion of every culture will be established. For instance, cultural diversity has been increased when people started listening to music. So, music is vital for the inclusion of different cultures in the whole world. Undoubtedly, the traditional music of every country is more important than the international music which is nowadays listened to by many young people in the world. The traditional music helps to teach people about their history. As traditional music is based to reflect the life of people in an environment, it helps to learn things about the stories that happened in past in a nation. Despite the international music lyrics and entertaining rhythm, it often fails to reflect the true stories behind it. It also helps in developing cultural and national identity. When people will listen to the music of their own country, it will create a national and cultural identity. Whereas, if people would listen to international music, their own identity of a country will be affected. To conclude, Music has become a crucial part of everyone's life. I believe national music is much more important if a nation wants to maintain it's own cultural identity and wants to know the source of music
The popularity of
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people
listening to
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music
is increasing day by day.
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Today
, there are various kinds of
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music
present in the world. This essay will outline the reasons why
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people
need
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music
and why
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traditional
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music
is more vital than the
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International
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music
that
is heard
by every
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people
nowadays.

Music plays a
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very
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important
role in a human's mind and body. Although there are several reasons for the need for
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music
, two reasons are there which is
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very
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important
.
Firstly
,
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music
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helps
to soothe and relax the mind of a person. When a person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired,
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music
enables him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his mind relax and give soothing.
For example
, It's found that more than 70% of
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people
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listen
to
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music
when they
are tensed
and wanted to relax.
Therefore
, it is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
one's body relaxed and tension free.
Secondly
,
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different
kinds of
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music
of
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different
states and
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countries
enable a diversity of culture. When
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people
will
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listen
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of every state, then it will bring
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people
together and a sense of inclusion of every culture will
be established
.
For instance
,
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cultural
diversity has
been increased
when
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
listening to
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music
.
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So
,
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music
is vital for the inclusion of
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different
cultures in the whole world.

Undoubtedly
, the
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traditional
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music
of every
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country
is more
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important
than the
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international
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music
which is nowadays listened to by
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many
young
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people
in the world. The
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traditional
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music
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helps
to teach
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people
about their history. As
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is based
to reflect the life of
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people
in an environment, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to learn things about the stories that happened in past in a nation. Despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lyrics and entertaining rhythm, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fails to reflect the true stories behind it.

It
also
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helps
in developing
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cultural
and national
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identity
. When
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people
will
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listen
to the
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music
of their
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own
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country
, it will create a national and
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cultural
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identity
. Whereas, if
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people
would
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listen
to
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international
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music
, their
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own
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identity
of a
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country
will be
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affected
.

To conclude
,
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Music
has become a crucial part of everyone's life. I believe national
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music
is much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
if a nation wants to maintain
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it's
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own
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cultural
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identity
and wants to know the source of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
music
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IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
378 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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