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Theft rate among the youngsters

Theft rate among the youngsters Lwp8n
Lots of nations face the problems about increasing numbers of the juvenile people that are committing crimes. I will write triggers of these Dilemma and the ways to decide it. Every country has their own economic system. Some countries are wealthy, while other Nations are struggling to make money. Even though, all these countries have one common Issue. Rising count of young people, which are becoming thieves. One of the biggest cause of this problem is difficulties with money. Not every family has enough budget for good lifestyle, to take education and live without rejection. So, the lack of fee will lead to go to commit crimes, because these teens believe, that it is the easiest path to take cash Second reason why they do that is because some teenagers too are lazy to work. Work takes lots of time and effort, but it is only real way to earning. However, juveniles that are making thieves don’t even look to work’s side. They think: “Why do i have to work when i can make money faster? “ They totally forget about policemen that can catch them, or don’t have compassion about people that are working for make this budget. To decrease crime rate, government should make several steps. Firstly, increase quality of life of their habitats. If each family has enough amount of money to live feeling comfortable, they won’t commit crime. Likewise if government change the psychology of the citizens, and teach how important is hard work and strong willpower, the percentage of young people who make crimes will decrease
Lots of nations face the problems about increasing numbers of the juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. I will write triggers of these Dilemma and the ways to decide it.

Every country has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
economic system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries are wealthy, while other Nations are struggling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Even though
, all these countries have one common Issue. Rising count of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which are becoming thieves. One of the biggest cause of this problem is difficulties with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Not every family has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle, to take education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without rejection.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the lack of fee will lead to go to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these teens believe, that it is the easiest path to take cash

Second reason why they do
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
too are lazy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
takes lots of time and effort,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
real way to earning.
However
, juveniles that are making thieves don’t even look to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work’s
side. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
: “Why do
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when
Did you mean "I"?
i
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
faster? “ They
totally
forget about policemen that can catch them, or don’t have compassion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this budget.

To decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
several steps.
Firstly
, increase quality of life of their habitats. If each family has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
feeling comfortable, they won’t commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the psychology of the citizens, and teach how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and strong willpower, the percentage of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
will
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
decrease
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IELTS essay Theft rate among the youngsters

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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