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The world’s most urgent problem is caused by over-population. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued by some countries in the world facing with one of the most serious problems, which is a massive increase in world’s population. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is corruption. To commence with, there are a variety of reasons why the dramatic growth of population in the world brings a harmful effect on the quality of human’s life and the global budget as well. Firstly, over-population phenomenon has resulted in the lack of accommodation for many people, especially with those living in crowded and metropolitan areas. This reasonin light of the fact that the small number of available housing is not able to meet the demand for the need of the living facility. As a result, if people do not have any shelter, they mostly will build an illegal house on the prohibited sectors such as riverbank on the top of the hill which are risky for them. Furthermore, the unemployment rate would be likely to higherowing to the fact that of joblessness that profoundly affected on not only creation economy which makes it goes down but also social issues, in particularly is the rising of violent criminals in the community. However, corruption, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. The term “corruption” has always been considered under conspiracies. Corruption in India is an issue that adversely affects its economy of central, state, and local government agencies. There are abundant reasons for the cause of corruption in India. The primary reasons being lack of effective management in organization. Due to mismanagement, there is a weak control on various departments and their working. There is a high risk of corruption in India while dealing with India’s judiciary, particularly in lower court levels put the common man in great stress. To conclude, over-population is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is corruption.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries in the world facing with one of the most serious problems, which is a massive increase in world’s population. While this issue is
widely
considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is corruption.

To commence with, there are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why the dramatic growth of population in the world brings a harmful effect on the quality of human’s life and the global budget
as well
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
phenomenon has resulted in the lack of accommodation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
with those living in crowded and metropolitan areas. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonin
light of the fact that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of available housing is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand for the need of the living facility.
As a result
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have any shelter, they
mostly
will build an illegal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
on the prohibited sectors such as riverbank on the top of the hill which are risky for them.
Furthermore
, the unemployment rate would be likely to
Possible spelling mistake found.
higherowing
to the fact that of joblessness that
profoundly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creation economy which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it goes down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
social issues, in
particularly
is the rising of violent criminals in the community.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. The term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“corruption”
has always
been considered
under conspiracies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Corruption
in India is an issue that
adversely
affects its economy of central, state, and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
agencies. There are abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
in India. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
being lack of effective management in organization. Due to mismanagement, there is a weak control on various departments and their working. There is a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
in India while dealing with India’s judiciary,
particularly
in lower court levels put the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over-population
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation, despite human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, what should
be addressed
first
and foremost is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
.
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IELTS essay The world’s most urgent problem is caused by over-population.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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