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The widespread use of the Internet gives people more freedom to work and study at home instead of going to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The widespread use of the Internet gives people more freedom to work and study at home instead of going to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? dDBrP
It is true that the use of the internet gives people more freedom to work and study at home instead of going to work or college. While I understand that this tendency has some advantages. I believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits. To begin with, there are several merits of teleworking from home and taking online classes. Firstly, As regards adults, teleworking from home is the opportunity to work independently regardless of the geographic location. For example, employees can work for a company in another city or even another country from home via computer without going there. Therefore, they will save time, travel costs and avoid traffic jams. Secondly, progress in narrowing the educational gap between regions will be possible thanks to internet devices. To specify, in areas with less developed education like Africa, along with the development of the internet and smart devices, children will have access to more advanced education from developed countries. On the other hand, some significant drawbacks can be anticipated from the widespread use of the internet. One obvious downside of working from home is the loss of face-to-face interaction. To explain, when working from home, employees find it more difficult to connect with colleagues because they cannot talk directly or observe the attitudes of others. In addition, compared to on-campus students, online ones can cheat on assessments more easily as they take the tests in their own environment while using personal computers without being observed. As a result, it is unfair to honest students and has a negative effect on academic performance. In conclusion, while I recognize the possible advantages of the widespread use of the internet, I consider it to be a negative development overall.
It is true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study at home
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or college.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I understand that this tendency has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. I believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several merits of teleworking from home and taking online classes.
Firstly
, As regards adults, teleworking from home is the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
independently
regardless of the geographic location.
For example
, employees can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in another city or even another country from home via computer without going there.
Therefore
, they will save time, travel costs and avoid traffic jams.
Secondly
, progress in narrowing the educational gap between regions will be possible thanks to internet devices. To specify, in areas with less developed education like Africa, along with the development of the internet and smart devices, children will have access to more advanced education from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant drawbacks can
be anticipated
from the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet. One obvious downside of working from home is the loss of face-to-face interaction. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, when working from home, employees find it more difficult to connect with colleagues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot talk
directly
or observe the attitudes of others.
In addition
, compared to on-campus students, online ones can cheat on assessments more
easily
as they take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
environment while using personal computers without
being observed
.
As a result
, it is unfair to honest students and has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on academic performance.

In conclusion
, while I recognize the possible advantages of the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet, I consider it to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
overall
.
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IELTS essay The widespread use of the Internet gives people more freedom to work and study at home instead of going to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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