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the use of computer machine nowadays

the use of computer machine nowadays OLy3
A computer is an electronic machine which can collect knowledge, do some job or make modifications to the documentation, and create additional knowledge. Most individuals used a personal computer at home and in the workplace. Computers do a variety of different jobs where the optimization is helpful. Computers have a major role in any aspects of society. They are used in entertainment, businesses, academic institutions, banking etc. Nowadays, computers have become one of the strongest entertainment media. It can be used for watching movies, playing games, and listening to music. In addition, people can also recording their videos with a webcam and use a number of filter effects. A few image editing applications are also provided with advanced features. Secondly, Computers can be used in almost any business at the moment. Computers are almost part of a company system because they improve efficiency and help to compete in global marketplace. In companies, computers are used mainly to access and handle accounts and personal data, maintain programs, and monitor inventory status. Then, computers are often used in academic institutions through online classes, online exams, and virtual classrooms, especially during a pandemic, computers are badly needed. Which help to expand the use of audio visual assistance in the academic institutions. As a consequence, they can also be used to control and monitor student achievement and other details. Last of all, banking has been so advanced over the last few years. Most countries use online banking systems where clients can receive their information directly through computers and the internet. People may check their profit and loss, withdraw cash, and pay online bills. On the other hand, bank use computers to conduct transactions and archive users data. ATM is one of the example of computers that help individuals withdraw and transfer the money themselves.
A computer is an electronic machine which can collect knowledge, do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
modifications to the documentation, and create additional knowledge. Most individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a personal computer at home and in the workplace. Computers do a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs where the optimization is helpful. Computers have a major role in any aspects of society. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in entertainment, businesses, academic institutions, banking etc.

Nowadays, computers have become one of the strongest entertainment media. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for watching movies, playing games, and listening to music.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
also
recording their videos with a webcam and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a number of filter effects. A few image editing applications are
also
provided with advanced features.

Secondly
, Computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in almost any business at the moment. Computers are almost part of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
efficiency and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to compete in global marketplace. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mainly
to access and handle accounts and personal data, maintain programs, and monitor inventory status.

Then, computers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in academic institutions through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
exams, and virtual classrooms,
especially
during a pandemic, computers are
badly
needed.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to expand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of audio visual assistance in the academic institutions. As a consequence, they can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to control and monitor student achievement and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Last of all, banking has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advanced over the last few years. Most countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking systems where clients can receive their information
directly
through computers and the internet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their profit and loss, withdraw cash, and pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
bills.
On the other hand
, bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers to conduct transactions and archive users data. ATM is one of the example of computers that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals withdraw and transfer the money themselves.
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IELTS essay the use of computer machine nowadays

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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