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The social networks such as Facebook or Twitter are very popular among teenagers. What are their advantages? Give examples and reasons to support your opinion.

The social networks such as Facebook or Twitter are very popular among teenagers. What are their advantages? Give examples and reasons to support your opinion. ORjYy
Nowadays, several social media such as Facebook and Twitter are becoming very popular among teenagers. In terms of advantages, social media make it easier to keep in touch with people, aside from geographical location. For instance, students who study abroad can make a video call via Messenger, Skype, or some other apps. Also, social media is a dynamic appliance for business companies. They can keep their customers up to date newly released products or special offer by their post on Facebook or Twitter, which save their customers a great deal of time and price than the old technique of marketing by newspapers. However, I believed that social media still have disadvantages. The exaggerate of using so much social media will reduce face-to-face communication. Many teenagers are so addicted to social media that they constantly keep their face to the phone when having dinner and they ignore their families. The periodic of using phones also affect your eyes because your eyes are always in contact with the blue light of the phone’s screen.
Nowadays, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook and Twitter are becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. In terms of advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, aside from geographical location.
For instance
, students who study abroad can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a video call via Messenger, Skype, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other apps.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a dynamic appliance for business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their customers up to date
newly
released products or special offer by their post on Facebook or Twitter, which save their customers a great deal of time and price than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
technique of marketing by newspapers.
However
, I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
still
have disadvantages.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'exaggerate' is correct. If 'exaggerate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The exaggerate
of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
face-to-face communication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that they
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their face to the phone when having
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dinner and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their families.
The phrase 'The periodic of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'The' and 'of'.
The periodic of
using phones
also
affect your eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your eyes are always in contact with the blue light of the phone’s screen.
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IELTS essay The social networks such as Facebook or Twitter are very popular among teenagers. What are their advantages? Give examples and reasons to support your opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
172 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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