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The second attempt with more details.

The second attempt with more details. E36JB
The reading claims that the English settlers' disappearance is not a mystery, anymore. Because they had relocated to the Island of Croatoa. However, the professor explains that none of the theories clearly proves the relocation. She adds that the points made in the article are weak and they can be easily dismissed. So, she refutes each of author's reasons. First, the reading avers that the governor found the word " Croatoa" carved on a piece of wood when he returned and considered that as an evidence that they relocated to that island. The lecturer refutes this point by explaining that the sign does not make any sense. The governor had instructed the settlers to move to the interior parts of the country where they could find more food and safety. However, the Island of Croatoa was on the opposite side, close by shore. It is unlikely that the English settlers did not take their governor's advice and relocated to a less advantageous area. Second, the article posits that the English artifacts found in the Island is a support of relocation. The professor contends that there is no way to prove that. She mentions that the ring stated by the author might have sent only to trade items. It was not uncommon for English travelers to trade their belongings to get food and necessities during harsh time of Croatoa. Third, the author claims that the search parties that they were investigating the disappearance were not able to find any of settlers from Roanoke. But they were able to find Croatan people with European characteristics. The lecturer opposes this point by saying that the search groups did not start to look for the disappeared group untill 100 years after their disappearance. During this time English government had sent so many people to the Crotoa to settle, and their European characteristics can be because of intermarriage between other English settlers and Croatoan people, not only because of English settlers from Roanoke,
The reading claims that the English settlers' disappearance is not a mystery, anymore.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they had relocated to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Island
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Croatoa
.
However
, the professor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that none of the theories
clearly
proves the relocation. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
that the points made in the article are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weak and
they can be
easily
dismissed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, she refutes each of author's reasons.

First
, the reading avers that the governor found the word
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Croatoa&quot
; carved on a piece of wood when he returned and considered that as an evidence that they relocated to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
. The lecturer refutes this point by explaining that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense. The governor had instructed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
settlers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the interior parts of the country where they could find more food and safety.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Island
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Croatoa
was on the opposite side, close by shore. It is unlikely that the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
settlers
did not take their governor's advice and relocated to a less advantageous area.

Second, the article posits that the English artifacts found in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Island
is a support of relocation. The professor contends that there is no way to prove that. She mentions that the ring stated by the author might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to trade items. It was not uncommon for English travelers to trade their belongings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food and necessities during harsh time of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Croatoa
.

Third, the author claims that the search parties that they were investigating the disappearance were not able to find any of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
settlers
from Roanoke.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they were able to find
Possible spelling mistake found.
Croatan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with European characteristics. The lecturer opposes this point by saying that the search groups did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to look for the disappeared group
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
100 years after their disappearance. During this time English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Crotoa
to settle, and their European characteristics can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of intermarriage between other English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
settlers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Croatoan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
settlers
from Roanoke,
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IELTS essay The second attempt with more details.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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