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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 4

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 4 2brro
It is recognized that education plays an important role in today's children's development. However, some people believe that teaching science subjects should be prioritized over the other art subjects. Personally, I accept that they need to acknowledge practical subjects such as information technology, but other subjects should not be downplayed because they also contribute to the children's creativity. Firstly, prioritizing science education will lead to the release of many technological innovations, giving the nation an economic advantage. More specifically, when giving students early access to modern technology, they will nurture logical thinking and make wise decisions so that some countries can have a high-quality workforce. Take Japan as a telling example. By giving students access to cutting-edge technologies, Japan is nurturing a generation of talent. They can create robots to replace human positions, so the efficiency in their labor is enormous. Thereby boost the economy, making Japan one of the leaders of the world economy. To conclude, although learning scientific subjects at school poses essential competency for children to manage the modern world, I believe that paintings and music should not be removed from the school curriculum for these subjects.
It
is recognized
that education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's children's development.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that teaching science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be prioritized
over the other art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Personally
, I accept that they need to acknowledge practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as information technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should not
be downplayed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
contribute to the children's creativity.

Firstly
, prioritizing science education will lead to the release of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological innovations, giving the nation an economic advantage. More
specifically
, when giving students early access to modern technology, they will nurture logical thinking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries can have a high-quality workforce. Take Japan as a telling example. By giving students access to cutting-edge technologies, Japan is nurturing a generation of talent. They can create robots to replace human positions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the efficiency in their labor is enormous. Thereby boost the economy, making Japan one of the leaders of the world economy.

To conclude
, although learning scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at school poses essential competency for children to manage the modern world, I believe that paintings and music should not
be removed
from the school curriculum for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
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IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 4

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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