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The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the past few decades, there is a traditional notion, saying that a mother should be staying at home and take care of her children for the whole day, while a father should be working hard to earn money to support the family. However in this society, this does not seem to be true as many mothers are working and at the same time, take a good care of their children. It is no doubt that they will certainly be busy. Therefore, it is essential for a mother and a father to share their responsibilities of bringing up children fairly. First and foremost, fathers and mothers are obligated to teach and guide their children together. This is because children are naive and they do not know how to differentiate what is true or what is wrong occasionally. In a family, father and mother should teach their children together and it is not the responsibility of the mother alone. Together, they should ensure they teach their children well in a plethora of aspects. For instance, behavior, safety knowledge, academic and the list to go. By doing this, if parents are bringing up children together and equally, this can prevent a strain in the relationship between the spouses and a happy family is created. In addition to that, parents should accompany their children together. In spite of having their hands full in the jobs, parents should spare their time and spend time together. It is undeniable that children are playful and sometimes they need attention from parents. Playing with children is also a part of family upbringing as it ensures a good mental health for their children and indirectly affect their behavior. It is a completely wrong idea for a husband to leave responsibilities of accompanying a child to his wife. In fact, this responsibility should be done fairly together. To improve their relationship, family can go for a vacation during school holidays. If parents in a family bring up children equally, this will create a harmony environment. Children can grow u in a positive environment and hence behave well, which suggest a good family upbringing. This can also prevent the thoughts that one is irresponsible towards his or her children. Last but not least, parents should earn money together and it does not solely dependent on father alone. Nowadays, females are no longer staying at home all day to take care of a child. This is an old notion that one should avoid. It is vital for spouses to work hard and earn money to pay for children's education, living cost or talent classes. Together, they should share this responsibility to ensure their children's bright future. Hence, as a consequence, this can reduce burden of a father. All in all, I strongly acquiesce the fact that parents should have equal responsibilities in family upbringing. It is a norm that a family will have to handle their works as well as take care of their children. I believe that this will be busy for parents is the responsibilities are not shared among them. They tend to neglect either their work or children, which they do not suppose to as both are equally important. Therefore, in a nutshell, parents should plan to share responsibilities to reduce one's burden
In the past few decades, there is a traditional notion, saying that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
should be staying at home and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the whole day, while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
should be working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn money to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in this society, this does not seem to be true as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers are working and at the same time, take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is no doubt that they will
certainly
be busy.
Therefore
, it is essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fairly
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
and mothers
are obligated
to teach and guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
together. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
naive and
they do not know how to differentiate what is true or what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
occasionally
. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together and
it is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
alone. Together, they should ensure they teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
well in a plethora of aspects.
For instance
, behavior, safety knowledge, academic and the list to go. By doing this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
together and
equally
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a strain in the relationship between the spouses and a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is created
.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
having their hands full in the jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spare their time and spend time together. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
playful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they need attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
also
a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
upbringing as it ensures a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mental health for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
indirectly
affect their behavior. It is a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for a husband to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of accompanying a child to his wife. In fact, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
should
be done
fairly
together. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their relationship,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can go for a vacation during school holidays. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bring up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
equally
, this will create a harmony environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can grow u in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment and
hence
behave well, which suggest a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
upbringing. This can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the thoughts that one is irresponsible towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should earn money
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together and
it does not
solely
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
alone. Nowadays, females are no longer staying at home all day to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of a child. This is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
notion that one should avoid. It is vital for spouses to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and earn money to pay for children's education, living cost or talent classes. Together, they should share this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to ensure their children's bright future.
Hence
, as a consequence, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
burden of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
. All in all, I
strongly
acquiesce the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should have equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
upbringing. It is a norm that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle their works
as well
as take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I believe that this will be busy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
are not shared among them. They tend to neglect either their work or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which they do not suppose to as both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, in a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should plan to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
one's burden
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IELTS essay The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
544 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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