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The reasons why people buy products is to fullfill their needs and because of the products' quality. Advertisements do not increase product sales and can be considered a form of entertainment. do you agree or disagree?

The reasons why people buy products is to fullfill their needs and because of the products' quality. Advertisements do not increase product sales and can be considered a form of entertainment. 5AR1n
It is believed by some that advertising does not help to improve sales. Likewise, they assume it as a hobby and argue that people Select goods for personal fulfilment as well as high quality of theirs. I completely disagree with this statement because of people temptation and huge amount of payments for exposure. Advertising play a crucial part to persuade many to purchase products which they might not otherwise want. In facts the People are tempted to buy. For instance, every year people can be seen queuing to purchase the latest model of mobile phone despite the fact that they have an acceptable version of phones, and replacing is not necessary. Consequently, it demonstrate the influence and strength of advertisement. Furthermore, myriad of companies pour incredible amount of money into exhibiting their products to grab people's attention every day. For example Nike company Day 800, 000 pounds to Ronaldo for only one ad on his instagram pages and the high sales of Nike seem to support this idea any way, spending millions of pounds for advertisement without growing sales and afterward making adequate profit to producers seems far-fetched. Thus, advertising and Exposing are key factors in rising of sales. On the other hand it is considered by some that purchasing products satisfies their fulfilment and quality' of goods is important However, in many occasions for example children pester their parents to buy the products advertised on TV or social media even with poor quality and despite of their reluctance. In conclusion, it seems to me that in many times advertisements have remarkable impact on our choosing. In other words, people often neglect to quality and also their fulfillment due to ad's impression.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that advertising does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
sales.
Likewise
, they assume it as a hobby and argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Select
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for personal
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
as well
as high quality of theirs. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
temptation and huge amount of payments for exposure.

Advertising
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "plays".
play
a crucial part to persuade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they might not
otherwise
want. In facts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
For instance
, every year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
queuing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the latest model of mobile phone despite the fact that they have an acceptable version of phones, and replacing is not necessary.
Consequently
, it
Did you mean "demonstrates"?
demonstrate
the influence and strength of advertisement.

Furthermore
, myriad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
pour incredible amount of money into exhibiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to grab
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention every day.
For example
Nike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Day 800, 000 pounds to Ronaldo for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one ad on his
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
pages and the high sales of Nike seem to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
any way, spending millions of pounds for advertisement without growing sales and afterward making adequate profit to producers seems far-fetched.
Thus
, advertising and Exposing are key factors in rising of sales.

On the other hand
it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
satisfies their
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and quality' of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions
for example
children pester their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
advertised on TV or social media even with poor quality and
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
their reluctance.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times advertisements have remarkable impact on our choosing.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglect to quality and
also
their fulfillment due to
Did you mean the verb "add" instead of the noun 'ad' (advertisement)?
ad
's impression.
What do you think?
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IELTS essay The reasons why people buy products is to fullfill their needs and because of the products' quality. Advertisements do not increase product sales and can be considered a form of entertainment.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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