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The rate of crime among young people is rising in many countries because of the problem in the family.

The rate of crime among young people is rising in many countries because of the problem in the family. JKKw0
The number of crimes is increasing widely among teenagers. Most of them try to break the rules and commit crimes because of both internal and external factors. Therefore, this essay will present the main cause of the crime problem and the solution to deal with it. First of all, the principle that causes children to become offenders is the problem in the family. To clarify, several families have a quarrel and show their violence to the children. This action negatively impacts their children’s emotions. When teenagers are deep in pressure, they will express their pressure with aggressive behavior and might accidentally violate other people. Moreover, the financial problem is one of the significant causes of teenage crime. For example, a large number of children in low-income families have to struggle with starvation, so they have to steal other’s valuables and sell the drugs in order to gain more money. relevant to the drugs. Hence, they need to commit the offense to improve their finances. Turning to possible solutions, parents should reduce their quarrel in front of their children, and pay attention to their children. It is undeniable that numerous teenage offenders imitate aggressive and inappropriate behavior from their parents. Hence, adults should not only educate their youth, but also behave appropriately. Furthermore, the government should be involved in solving this problem. They have to assist children with their education by establishing a program which provides beneficial information about the illegal action and destructive outcome in order to instruct and stimulate the awareness of children. In conclusion, family and poverty are the major causes of youth to commit crime. These problems can be solved when their parents give more attention and right information to the young people.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is increasing
widely
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Most of them try to break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of both internal and external factors.
Therefore
, this essay will present the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and the solution to deal with it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the principle that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become offenders is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. To clarify, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have a quarrel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their violence to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This action
negatively
impacts their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
emotions. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are deep in pressure, they will express their pressure with aggressive behavior and might
accidentally
violate other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is one of the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in low-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle with starvation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
steal other’s valuables and sell the drugs in order to gain more money.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
relevant
to the drugs.
Hence
, they need to commit the offense to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their finances.

Turning to possible solutions, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their quarrel in front of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is undeniable that numerous teenage offenders imitate aggressive and inappropriate behavior from their parents.
Hence
, adults should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educate their youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
behave
appropriately
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be involved
in solving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their education by establishing a program which provides beneficial information about the illegal action and destructive outcome in order to instruct and stimulate the awareness of children.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and poverty are the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of youth to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be solved
when their parents give more attention and right information to the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay The rate of crime among young people is rising in many countries because of the problem in the family.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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