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The quality of health care a person receive should not depends on size of their Bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of health care for all it's citizens to what extent do you agree with this

The quality of health care a person receive should not depends on size of their Bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of health care for all it's citizens to what extent do you agree with this qdJE
In a world of unequal distribution in income, wealth and opportunities, only few members of society can afford quality health care. Health is pivotal to everyone to become a functional member of society and thus, leads to a progressive community. This essay agrees to the concept that the government should yield high quality health care to its people regardless of how much money they can offer. First and foremost, the primary responsibility of the government is to provide basic amenities needed by its citizenry and one of this includes health care stabilization. Owing to timely fair collection of taxes from the people, it is irrefutable that everyone, be they are affluent or indigent, should have equal access also to all governmental services. For instance, the health bureau could post enough number of qualified medical staffs in rural and urban areas providing latest health care treatment and facilities, and free medical check-up to those in needs. Secondly, it can be agreed that creating a healthy nation leads to a quality life and proactive community. Take for example in Japan, local authorities are providing equal health support to everyone and even more privilege given to downtrodden people and senior citizens. Due to this, the pros of this action became more evident wherein there is a decreased rate of mortality and severe hospitalization. Moreover, this gave the locals an opportunity to increase their savings and pursue to continue work to support their family. To put it in a nutshell, the government can make a vast change to its nation life and productivity by establishing a law which will reinforce equal health care treatment for everyone. It can be hoped that in future, bureaucratic officials will work upon this matter and make this plan happen regardless of their people financial capability.
In a world of unequal distribution in income, wealth and opportunities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few members of society can afford quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is pivotal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
to become a functional member of society and
thus
, leads to a progressive community. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to the concept that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should yield high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of how much money they can offer.

First
and foremost, the primary responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is to provide basic amenities needed by its citizenry and one of this includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
stabilization. Owing to timely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
collection of taxes from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
, be they are affluent or indigent, should have equal access
also
to all governmental services.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
bureau could post
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
number of qualified medical staffs in rural and urban areas providing
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
treatment and facilities, and free medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up to those in needs.

Secondly
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that creating a healthy nation leads to a quality life and proactive community. Take
for example
in Japan, local authorities are providing equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
and even more privilege
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to downtrodden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and senior citizens. Due to this, the pros of this action became more evident wherein there is a decreased rate of mortality and severe hospitalization.
Moreover
, this gave the locals an opportunity to increase their savings and pursue to continue work to support their family.

To put it in a nutshell, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to its nation life and productivity by establishing a law which will reinforce equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
treatment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
. It can
be hoped
that
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, bureaucratic officials will work upon this matter and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this plan happen regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financial capability.
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IELTS essay The quality of health care a person receive should not depends on size of their Bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of health care for all it's citizens to what extent do you agree with this

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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