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The process of instant noodles' manufacturing

I completly disagree with the written statment. I believe that most of the people in the world have more information about their health and also about how they can improve their healthy conditions. Nowadays, information about how harmful is to smoke for our bodies can be seen in many packets of cigars. This is a clear example how things can change from our recent past. There is a clear trend in the diminishing of smokers and if this continues it will have a positive impact in our health. On the other hand, the alimentation habbits are changing all over the world and this can affect people’s health. However every one can choose what to eat every day. Mostly everybody, from developed societies, know the importance of having a healthy diet. Advances such as the information showed in the menus of fast food restaurants will help people to have a clever choice before they choose what to eat. Another important issue that I would like to mention is how medicine is changing. There are new discovers and treatments almost every week and that is an inequivoque sintom of how things are changing in order to improve the world’s health.
I
completly
disagree with the written statment. I believe that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world have more information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
also
about how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their healthy conditions.

Nowadays, information about how harmful is to smoke for our bodies can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
packets of cigars. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example how things can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from our recent past.

There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
trend in the diminishing of smokers and if this continues it will have a

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
On the other hand
, the alimentation habbits are changing all over the world and this can affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
every one can choose what to eat every day.
Mostly
everybody, from developed societies, know the importance of having a healthy diet.

Advances such as the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the menus of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a clever choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they choose what to eat.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue that I would like to mention is how medicine is changing. There are new discovers and treatments almost every week and
that is
an inequivoque sintom of how things are changing in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
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IELTS essay The process of instant noodles' manufacturing

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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