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the prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

the prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. 6xNBj
It is believed that more importance should be given to prevent health issues and diseases than to get them treated. Owing to this, the government should spend an adequate amount of money to create awareness among individuals about healthy lifestyles instead of spending money on various healthcare services. I agree with this notion to a large extent and the reasons for the same are discussed in subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, one advantage of precautions over treatments is that some health problems are incurable, thus various methods should be adopted to avoid such illnesses rather than deal with them. Cancer, for instance, is one such disease that has no cure to date, despite advancement in medical science. Furthermore, a healthy lifestyle helps an individual save money for his future endeavors as medical treatments require hefty spendings. This process benefits the economically weaker sections as they have limited earnings and cannot afford to spend money on health-related issues. Hence, healthy living can help be cost-effective and save an individual from becoming prey to harmful diseases. However, government plays an essential role in creating awareness among individuals to lead a healthy life. For example, organizing various campaigns related to healthy eating habits can benefit many individuals to lead a better living style. Secondly, the legal authorities can create such infrastructure in urban areas where people can rejuvenate themselves after a hectic work schedule. A case in point is that constructing more parks and other open spaces within the boundaries of cities can reduce the chances of health-related problems. Therefore, higher authorities should assign a particular amount of funds for promoting a healthy lifestyle. In the gist of the above-mentioned content, I reiterate that although due to advancement in medical treatments curing many diseases has become possible, yet many such illnesses cannot be cured thus preventive measures should be taken from the beginning and in this regard government should take required measures for healthy lifestyles of the populace.
It
is believed
that more importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health issues and diseases than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them treated. Owing to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to create awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on various healthcare services. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion to a large extent and the reasons for the same
are discussed
in subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one advantage of precautions over treatments is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems are incurable,
thus
various methods should
be adopted
to avoid such illnesses
rather
than deal with them. Cancer,
for instance
, is one such disease that has no cure to date, despite advancement in medical science.
Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for his future endeavors as medical treatments require hefty
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
. This process benefits the
economically
weaker sections as they have limited earnings and cannot afford to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on health-related issues.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
be cost
-effective and save an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
from becoming prey to harmful diseases.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plays an essential role in creating awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.
For example
, organizing various campaigns related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating habits can benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to lead a better living style.
Secondly
, the legal authorities can create such infrastructure in urban areas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can rejuvenate themselves after a hectic work schedule. A case in point is that constructing more parks and other open spaces within the boundaries of cities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances of health-related problems.
Therefore
, higher authorities should assign a particular amount of funds for promoting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

In the gist of the above-mentioned content, I reiterate that although due to advancement in medical treatments curing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases has become possible,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such illnesses cannot
be cured
thus
preventive measures should
be taken
from the beginning and in this regard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take required measures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles of the populace.
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IELTS essay the prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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