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The prevention of health problem & illness is more important than treatment & medicine. Government funding should realize this. To what extent do you agree?

The prevention of health problem & illness is more important than treatment & medicine. Government funding should realize this. QLw53
Health related issues & illness have become one of the biggest problems of the twenty first century. Owing to such health-related complications, expenses of people for payment towards medicines & treatments has increased substantially. In this essay I shall examine what should be Government's priority to invest its limited budget & come to a rational decision. Nowadays people spend a lot of time inside their homes or in office, spending time on computers, mobiles or watching television. This lifestyle of staying indoors & not working out is leading to health complications wherein health is no longer a priority. Government must realize the same & divert some part of its health budget spent on hospitals & medicine to communicating the issues which people could face later in life because of their lifestyle. The same was done for smoking in India wherein before every movie in a cinema, audience were shown its harmful complications which brought down the cigarette consumption. As they say, prevention is better than cure. It is imperative for people to realize what they are leading to and the Government must do its part in it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
related issues & illness have become one of the biggest problems of the twenty
first
century. Owing to such health-related complications, expenses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for payment towards medicines & treatments has increased
substantially
. In this essay I shall examine what should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
's priority to invest its limited budget &
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a rational decision.

Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time inside their homes or in office, spending time on computers, mobiles or watching television. This lifestyle of staying indoors & not working out is leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
complications wherein
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is no longer a priority.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize the same & divert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget spent on hospitals & medicine to communicating the issues which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could face later in life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lifestyle. The same
was done
for smoking in India wherein
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
every movie in a cinema, audience
were shown
its harmful complications which brought down the cigarette consumption.

As they say, prevention is better than cure. It is imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to realize what they are leading to and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do its part in it.
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IELTS essay The prevention of health problem & illness is more important than treatment & medicine. Government funding should realize this.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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