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The position of women have change in the Society over the years myth or reality?

The position of women have change in the Society over the years myth or reality? ORaQj
Gender equality has been more relevant over the years. Society is making an effort for this to become a reality but this situation has not seen to make huge progress. Nowadays woman has to deal with discrimination and inequality. Discrimination towards women has been increasing in environments such as work with men having high salaries in contrast to women in which they are doing the same job with the same qualifications to perform it. And their salaries is at least half in comparison with men in addition to that in some cultures women don't have the law or policies on their side as we know a significant number suffers sexual harassment at their work and when they speak up about it they can get fired as a form of retaliation. Furthermore, in some cultures, the role of women is to raise their children and be a housemaid without the option to develop a career, be independent, or even develop themselves as human beings in the world Society has to make a huge effort to give back their rights and equality to a woman to claim progress.
Gender equality has been more relevant over the years. Society is making an effort for this to become a reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this situation has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge progress. Nowadays woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with discrimination and inequality.

Discrimination towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has been increasing in environments such as work with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
having high salaries
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in which they are doing the same job with the same qualifications to perform it. And their salaries is at least half
in comparison
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in addition
to that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
don't have the law or policies on their side as we know a significant number suffers sexual harassment at their work and when they speak up about
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fired as a form of retaliation.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is to raise their children and be a housemaid without the option to develop a career, be independent, or even develop themselves as human beings in the world

Society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge effort to give back their rights and equality to a woman to claim progress.

IELTS essay The position of women have change in the Society over the years myth or reality?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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