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The picture displays the development os the mobile phone in two phases/stages

The picture displays the development os the mobile phone in two phases/stages 7P7En
The picture displays the development of the mobile phone in two phases. Overall it can be seen that the early mobile phone has transformed into a mobile phone that is equipped with more features but the size has become smaller and lighter looking at the picture in more detail both phases of the phone have earphone and a keyboard. the early mobile phone was 150g in weight with length and width of 130mm and 150 mm respectively. The display of the phone is only black/white with a function button located in the center of the old mobile phone. In sharp contrast with an early mobile phone, contemporary mobile phone is more compact weighing only 70g its length and width are also shorter than old mobile phone only 90mm and 40mm respectively. the screens on the contemporary mobile phone are full-color and it is foldable. furthermore the contemporary mobile phone has many functions like e-mail, internet, music player, and multiplayer game and it is added a camera with video capability it
The picture displays the development of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in two phases.
Overall
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the early mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has transformed into a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
that
is equipped
with more features
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the size has become smaller and lighter looking at the picture in more detail both phases of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
have earphone and a keyboard.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
early mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
was 150g in weight with length and width of
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "130 mm"
130mm
and 150 mm
respectively
. The display of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
black/white with a function button located in the center of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
mobile

phone.

In sharp contrast with an early mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, contemporary mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is more compact weighing

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
70g its length and width are
also
shorter than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "90 mm"
90mm
and
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "40 mm"
40mm


respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
screens on the contemporary mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
are full-color and it is foldable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore


the contemporary mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
functions like e-mail, internet, music player, and multiplayer

game and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
a camera with video capability

Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay The picture displays the development os the mobile phone in two phases/stages

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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