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Some people think that competitive sports have positive effect on child's education, while others argue that it is not so. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of competitive sports and give your own opinion about their inclusion in the curriculum.

Some people think that competitive sports have positive effect on child's education, while others argue that it is not so. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of competitive sports and give your own opinion about their inclusion in the curriculum. 7P7M5
Nowadays, the competitive sports items are increasing, and there are some positive and negative effects. In the new generation time the children's education system are changing to technology. But the sports are very important in every child. On the one hand evident benefit is that it would enable the children become thinking everything in a competitive sense. In other words the competitive mind it is very helpful for every child. They will start to think about there future plans and children start to dream they are winning everything they participated and also they will start to work for there successful future. In addition, the children will try to participate every games they can so it is very helpful for there body and health. For instance, in 2010 the pala st. George university was Conducted a survey about the children's competitive mind in sports. The result is 95 percentage of children are very competitive mind in sports. But the balance of them doing whatever they want to do. However 80% of children are competitive mind in there education. On the contrary, nevertheless there is a chance children try to use some wrong way to winn the game. In particularly, they are try to use some illegal drugs so it will be affects there own future. For example, in a movie named Vishyvasam. A short summary of the film one girl try to winn a running competition unfortunately she do not have much fast to winn the competition. But she used a illegal drug to winn the game. Suddenly one of her friend saw she was using a illegal drug. Then she told her i will complaint the principal because you are cheating. She was afraid and she can not accept that instantly she committed suicide and her family was disappointed. Even if the children use illegal drug it will affects there health and mentally. To break into a nutshell, my opinion is the sports are competitive so i think they might need to improve there competitive mind for sports and education purpose. If they use illegal drug for there purpose it will be affect there own future. However it is a responsibility on the teacher and parents they need to take care of there children
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
items are increasing, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. In the new generation time the children's education system are changing to technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in every child.

On the one hand evident benefit is that it would enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become thinking everything in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
sense.
In other words
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for every child. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
plans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to dream they are winning everything they participated and
also
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work for there successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will try to participate every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "game"?
games
they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for there body and health.
For instance
, in 2010 the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pala
st.
The genitive is possibly missing.
George university
was Conducted
a survey about the children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The result is 95 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the balance of them doing whatever they want to do.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in there education.

On the contrary
,
nevertheless
there is a chance
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "child"?
children
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way to
Possible spelling mistake found.
winn
the game. In
particularly
, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "tried".
try
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be affects there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
, in a movie named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vishyvasam
. A short summary of the film one girl try to
Possible spelling mistake found.
winn
a running competition unfortunately she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
not have much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
winn
the competition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
winn
the game.
Suddenly
one of her friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
she was using
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
. Then she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
will complaint the principal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you are cheating. She was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
afraid and
she can not accept that
instantly
she committed suicide and her family
was disappointed
. Even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affects
there health and mentally.

To break into a nutshell, my opinion is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they might need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and education purpose. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
for there purpose it will be affect there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it is a responsibility on the teacher and parents they need to take care of
Did you mean "their"?
there
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children
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IELTS essay Some people think that competitive sports have positive effect on child's education, while others argue that it is not so. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of competitive sports and give your own opinion about their inclusion in the curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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