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The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? WyDKq
The wireless internet connection in combination with advanced computer and mobile technologies has revolutionised working life and provided an opportunity for some people to work remotely. However, even though the number of people who work from home is ever-increasing, this way of working has not only benefits, but also some drawbacks. Admittedly, there are some possible advantages of employees working from home, rather than going to the office. Firstly, remote workers might obtain more spare time than those working in the office. This is due to the fact that they may avoid time-consuming commuting and rush hours traffic and, therefore, will be able to allocate saved time on their hobbies or physical activities. Furthermore, as many people find it difficult to juggle family and a career, working remotely may provide them with a golden opportunity to be successful in both spheres. For instance, ability to be at home during the day prevents parents from neglecting their parental responsibilities and enable them to spend quality time with a family. Nevertheless, despite the benefits above, I strongly believe that employees are certain to face serious drawbacks from remote work. The major disadvantage closely associated with working out of the office is a significant decrease in productivity if a person is not great with time management and self-discipline. This is because without constant supervision and pressure it is difficult for some people to stay focused and motivated, especially having such distractions as house chores or children at home. Industrious employees, on the other hand, would possibly have difficulties with maintaining work-life balance and may end up working longer hours. While concentrating on a difficult task in order to meet the deadline, they may avoid even having breaks and, as, as a result, will burn fast. In conclusion, I am convinced that the drawbacks of remote work take precedence over its benefits because, in spite of increased leisure time, it is difficult for some people to avoid work-life imbalance and remain productive during the working day.
The wireless internet connection in combination with advanced computer and mobile technologies has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life and provided an opportunity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
remotely
.
However
,
even though
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home is ever-increasing, this way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible advantages of employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home,
rather
than going to the office.
Firstly
, remote workers might obtain more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the office.
This is due to the fact that
they may avoid time-consuming commuting and rush hours traffic and,
therefore
, will be able to allocate saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their hobbies or physical activities.
Furthermore
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to juggle family and a career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
remotely
may provide them with a golden opportunity to be successful in both spheres.
For instance
, ability to be at home during the day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
parents from neglecting their parental responsibilities and enable them to spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with a family.

Nevertheless
, despite the benefits above, I
strongly
believe that employees are certain to face serious drawbacks from remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The major disadvantage
closely
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
out of the office is a significant decrease in productivity if a person is not great with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and self-discipline. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without constant supervision and pressure it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay focused and motivated,
especially
having such distractions as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores or children at home. Industrious employees,
on the other hand
, would
possibly
have difficulties with maintaining work-life balance and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer hours. While concentrating on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
task in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadline, they may avoid even having breaks and, as,
as a result
, will burn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that the drawbacks of remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
take precedence over its benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
increased leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid work-life imbalance and remain productive during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day.
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IELTS essay The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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