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the number of overweight children is increased

the number of overweight children is increased Xq23r
A significant increase in the number of overweight children has been witnessed by many nations these days. In the given essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the said issue and different solutions to tackle it, and provide my opinion. To begin with, genetically manufactured food (GM) is the main cause of the aforementioned issue. GM food is manufactured by adding some outer elements to the food in order to increase its productivity, which sometimes leads to some serious issues such as for overweight or obesity. To illustrate, unlike natural, authentic food, genetically manufactured food contains 50% fewer vitamins and proteins, as a result, numerous novices suffer from the increase in the gas in the stomach which ultimately leads to obesity. Thus, toddlers should eat natural and original food items only in order to avoid such serious health issues. Furthermore, proper dietary habit is extremely important for children, however, in today’s contemporary world people like to eat fast food instead of homemade one, and fast food contains more percentage of fat as compared to normal homemade food. Consequently, it leads to an increase in the weight of children even if they do not each much. To illustrate, toddlers are fond of sandwiches and hot dogs, the bread used in it contains 30% fat, which ultimately reflects in the increase in weight of a child. Thus, eating fast food might lead to overweight issues. To conclude, after analyzing the above discussion, it is quite evident that fast food and GM food are the prominent reasons for the increase in weight. Thus, in order to avoid effects caused due to the aforementioned issues, people should eat a healthy and proper diet.
A significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of overweight children has
been witnessed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations these days. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
solutions to tackle it, and provide my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
genetically
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
(GM) is the main cause of the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is manufactured
by adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outer elements to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
its productivity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as for overweight or obesity. To illustrate, unlike natural, authentic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
genetically
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains 50% fewer vitamins and proteins,
as a result
, numerous novices suffer from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the gas in the stomach which
ultimately
leads to obesity.
Thus
, toddlers should eat natural and original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in order to avoid such serious health issues.

Furthermore
, proper dietary habit is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children,
however
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of homemade one, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains more percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
as compared to normal homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Consequently
, it leads to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the weight of children even if they do not each much. To illustrate, toddlers are fond of sandwiches and hot dogs, the bread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in it contains 30%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, which
ultimately
reflects in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in weight of a child.
Thus
, eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to overweight issues.

To conclude
, after analyzing the above discussion, it is quite evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are the prominent reasons for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in weight.
Thus
, in order to avoid effects caused due to the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should eat a healthy and proper diet.
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IELTS essay the number of overweight children is increased

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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