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The number of overweight and unhealthy children in developed countries is increasing and many people think that is linked to diet and lifestyle. What are the reasons for this increase and what can be done to reduce the problem?

The number of overweight and unhealthy children in developed countries is increasing and many people think that is linked to diet and lifestyle. What are the reasons for this increase and what can be done to reduce the problem? 8LmA5
In advanced countries, a host of young citizens are becoming obese and this is harmful to health. At the same time, there are several people who believe that this is related to daily food and lifestyle. Personally, while I agree with this statement to some extent, I confide (ww: believe) there are various reasons and solutions for this issue, both of which will be covered in this essay. On the one hand, there are a host of reasons associated with this issue. First and foremost, the most important one is about food factor which is junk foods (u/c). This is due to the fact that the price of junk foods (u/c) is inexpensive compared with healthy foods, for instance, the price of a hamburger starts at 1 dollar, whereas a dish of vegetarian food starts at 3 dollars. Another cause is about (^ a) lifestyle factor which is the work-life (^ imbalance) of parents. This is because many parents have to work all day, (^ and) therefore they don’t have time to cook and teach their children. Consequently, children have to eat junk food and don’t realize about healthy (rephrase: consider their health). This shows that diet and lifestyle are linked strongly together. There are however, a variety of solutions to the topic. To begin with, parents and schools should educate pupils about nutritional values as well as physical exercises. The reason for this is if young people acknowledge (rephrase: “take into consideration”) the quality of food and the benefit of good health, they will select food more carefully. A further solution is governments should control and discount the price of healthy food to be more affordable. This is because if the market sells the best food at a cheap price, people will definitely consume it, and this leads to healthy kids, also citizens. In conclusion, even though the rate of overweight and unhealthy kids is rising, there are some solutions to solve the problems. In my opinion, parents and schools are the most significant ones who should take care of pupils, so I highly recommend they should follow the step (s/pl) in this essay to improve the health of children.
In advanced countries, a host of young citizens are becoming obese and this is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. At the same time, there are several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that this
is related
to daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lifestyle.
Personally
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I confide (
Possible spelling mistake found.
ww
: believe) there are various reasons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
for this issue, both of which will
be covered
in this essay.

On the one hand, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hosts"?
host
of reasons associated with this issue.
First
and foremost, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
factor which is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
(u/c).
This is due to the fact that
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
(u/c) is inexpensive compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
for instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of a hamburger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at 1 dollar, whereas a dish of vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at 3 dollars. Another cause is about (^ a) lifestyle factor which is the work-life (^ imbalance) of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work all day, (^ and)
therefore
they don’t have time to cook and teach their children.
Consequently
, children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and don’t realize about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
(rephrase: consider their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health)
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that diet and lifestyle
are linked
strongly
together.

There are
however
, a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to the topic. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools should educate pupils about nutritional values
as well
as physical exercises.
The reason for this is
if young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
acknowledge (rephrase: “take into consideration”) the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the benefit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, they will select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more
carefully
. A
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should control and discount the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to be more affordable. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the market sells the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will definitely consume it, and this leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
kids,
also
citizens.

In conclusion
,
even though
the rate of overweight and unhealthy kids is rising, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to solve the problems. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools are the most significant ones who should take care of pupils,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
highly
recommend they should follow the step (s/pl) in this essay to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of children.
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IELTS essay The number of overweight and unhealthy children in developed countries is increasing and many people think that is linked to diet and lifestyle. What are the reasons for this increase and what can be done to reduce the problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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