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The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. 0XbO
As we all know that technology and healthcare is evolving faster, because of that people's life span is also increasing and death rate in many countries where healthcare is great is decreasing. Young generation is edcuated as well as they know that poplulation is increasing very rapidly to solve this problem most of youth is having one or two kid. in my opinion, it has both postive as well as negative impact. In this essay i will explain both of the views. It is commonly believed that the old people are burden on others but in some case it is not true. There are people who is old but is still teaching or contributing toward society. Moreover with their experience and knowlegde using that they can guide young generation and teach them different kind of stuffs that youth doesn't know about. Other than that they also educate future generation about culture. For instance, if both parent of child is working than their grandparents can look after them. Therefore parents do not have to worry about enivornment and leaving child in daycare. They also emphasise on learning of mother tongue. They also provide balance society like they guide younger generation about what is wrong and right. On the other hand, the growing number of senior citizes is also creating some kind of problem. As the number of old people is increased the government have to work harder to provide facilities to them, it is creating burden on government. In developed countries like USA, Canada government have to provide them pension after their retirement. In developing countries only government employees are getting this benefit because government do not have capability to give pension to each and every person of the country. For this reason, family's bread earner is facing many difficulty. Moreover, if more old people are working so opportunity for youth is decreasing. Old people need special care for that government have to use lots of money and resources. So it is affecting country's GDP. They also get different kind of facilities at different place. As a example, old people can buy ticket for transporation in half of the price what youth is paying. In addition, they don't have to wait in queue for their chance. In some developing countries there are people who's old but they are not as efficient as youth so it consume time as well as energy. To sum up, i would say government should make such policy's that help senior citizes as well as youth so that no one have to suffer and government should also focus on maintaining balancebetween privilege they give to senior citizes.
As we all know that technology and healthcare is evolving faster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life span is
also
increasing and death rate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where healthcare is great is decreasing. Young generation is
Possible spelling mistake found.
edcuated
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they know that
Possible spelling mistake found.
poplulation
is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rapidly
to solve this problem most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is having one or two kid.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion,

it has both
Possible spelling mistake found.
postive
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact. In this essay
Did you mean "I"?
i
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both of the views.

It is
commonly
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are burden on others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case it is not true. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
still
teaching or contributing toward society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
with their experience and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlegde
using that they can guide young generation and teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of stuffs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
doesn't know about. Other than that they
also
educate future generation about culture.
For instance
, if both parent of child is working than their grandparents can look after them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
parents do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about
Possible spelling mistake found.
enivornment
and leaving child in daycare. They
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on learning of mother tongue. They
also
provide balance society like they guide younger generation about what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and right.

On the other hand
, the growing number of senior
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizes
is
also
creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of problem. As the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder to provide facilities to them, it is creating burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, Canada
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide them pension after their retirement. In developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
employees are getting this benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not have capability to give pension to each and every person of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For this reason
, family's bread earner is facing
Possible agreement error. The noun difficulty seems to be countable; consider using: "many difficulties".
many difficulty
.
Moreover
, if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is decreasing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need special care for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
lots of money and resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is affecting country's GDP. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of facilities at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place. As
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
ticket for
Possible spelling mistake found.
transporation
in half of the price what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is paying.
In addition
, they don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait in queue for their chance. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "whose"?
who's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not as efficient as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
Did you mean "consumes"?
consume
time as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as energy.

To sum up,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such policy's that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
senior
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizes
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
focus on maintaining
Possible spelling mistake found.
balancebetween
privilege they give to senior
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizes
.
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IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
440 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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