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The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society. VOVm
Some people argue that many countries might have problems with increasing number of elderly people, while others opine that elders have a major role in the society. This essay would argue that even though increasing number of older people causes strain on the pension and health care system, they have a very important role in guiding the society. Many would argue that increasing number of elderly people can affect the pension and health care system in a negative way, as they are not working; government needs to support them for their daily needs and health. This causes the state to spend large amounts of money on elderly people. A survey conducted by Victoria University in 2018 found that the longevity of elder people in Australia has increased and they constitute about 30% of the population. This would cost a lot to the state. On the other hand, this essay argues that despite the strain the elderly population puts on the government, elders have a major role in shaping the society. Elder people have ample experience and can guide youngsters during crucial situations / a crucial situation. In professions like teaching and medicine an experienced hand can always give better suggestions than a youngster with few years of experience. So older people can contribute to the society and help in shaping it. For instance, during the time of emergency surgery, doctors always consult with seniors who have better experience and who can suggest the best surgical plan. Hence, even though elders are unemployed they can act as a guide or an expert to resolve problems and shape the society. To conclude, it is argued that longevity of elder people cause issues to the state, but I believe that the elderly are an important part of the society especially during crucial times for guiding youngsters with their experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries might have problems with increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
have a major role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that
even though
increasing number of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
causes strain on the pension and health care system, they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in guiding the society.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can affect the pension and health care system in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way, as they are not working;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to support them for their daily needs and health. This causes the state to spend large amounts of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A survey conducted by Victoria University in 2018 found that the longevity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Australia has
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
increased and
they constitute about 30% of the population. This would cost a lot to the state.

On the other hand
, this essay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argues
that despite the strain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
population puts on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
have a major role in shaping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and can guide youngsters during crucial situations / a crucial situation. In professions like teaching and medicine an experienced hand can always give better suggestions than a youngster with few years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in shaping it.
For instance
, during the time of emergency surgery, doctors always consult with seniors who have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and who can suggest the best surgical plan.
Hence
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
are unemployed
they can act as a guide or an expert to resolve problems and shape the society.

To conclude
, it
is argued
that longevity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cause issues to the state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
especially
during crucial times for guiding youngsters with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
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IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries, others believe this group is important to the society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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