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The nuclear family is well adapted to moving due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.7

Shifting to a new environment is common is common for nuclear families in the contemporary society. There are various reasons behind the relocation and children will always benefit if their family escapes from a bad living situation. In this situation, the benefits are more significant. Escaping from a bad living situation, such as war and persecution, is always beneficial for the children. For example, for some refugees who are living in an unsafe environment in Iraq, shifting to Australia seems like grasping at straws and it will always bring them a range of benefits. Children will not be troubled by the war and they can receive better education and health care resources. Also, families’ living standard will improve dramatically if they can live in a safe environment. Parents can find better job opportunities and they can purchase whatever they like with increased disposable incomes. One major downside of this shifting for children is the loss of friends. If families are moving constantly to new places, it is rather difficult for children to maintain their friendship. As a result, children may live in isolation which is harmful for their social life. Moving frequently can also have a negative influence on children’s sense of security. It may take a long time for children to feel safe if they are constantly shifting to new environment. However, these problems are insignificant when compared to the benefits of living in a safe country. In conclusion, various factors encourage people to move to a new environment. It is always advantageous for children if their family escapes from war or persecution. Although maintaining friendship is challenging for children, the benefits are more significant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shifting
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “is common”.
is common is common
for nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in the contemporary society. There are various reasons behind the relocation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
escapes from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
situation. In this situation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are more significant.

Escaping from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
situation, such as war and persecution, is always beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
refugees who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
in Iraq,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
to Australia seems like grasping at
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
straws and
it will always bring them a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will not
be troubled
by the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
war and
they can receive better education and health care resources.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
dramatically
if they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Parents can find better job
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
whatever they like with increased disposable incomes.

One major downside of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the loss of friends. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are moving
constantly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places, it is
rather
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to maintain their friendship.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation which is harmful for their social life. Moving
frequently
can
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
sense of security. It may take a long time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel safe if they are
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
However
, these problems are insignificant when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a safe country.

In conclusion
, various factors encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. It is always advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
escapes from war or persecution. Although maintaining friendship is challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are more significant.
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IELTS essay The nuclear family is well adapted to moving due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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