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The most essential component of a person’s life is his or her time at working place. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most essential component of a person’s life is his or her time at working place. 2rKLj
It is true that career is considered as the most vital parts of human’s life. Personally, I agree with this view of point, however, I believe that there are other esesential constituent besides working. There are various factors why people assume the most important thing in their life. Firstly, occupation is often used to evaluate a person is successful or not. Working in a big company or owning a business means they success in their job. This can be easily demonstrated by some cases of executive leaders of big corporations who become everyone’s standard. Secondly, one of the most important factors is making money. Everyone require money to make a living, that is why people attach much important to work hard. However, I consider that working is not always the most main components. To begin with, people have much things to take care about such as relationships, hobbies, health, …. therefore, people should balance between workloads and private life. Moreover, paying to much attention to tasks will bring negative impact on the mental and physical heath, easpecially cause stress, insomnia. In contrast, having a balance in both work and personal life help relieving stress and focusing more effective. Lastly, it is comprehensible why people put work on top, however, I belive it will be more better if people know how to balance life.
It is true that career
is considered
as the most vital parts of human’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view of point,
however
, I believe that there are other
Possible spelling mistake found.
esesential
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "constituents"?
constituent
besides
working.

There are various factors why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Firstly
, occupation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to evaluate a person is successful or not. Working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or owning a business means
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they success
in their job. This can be
easily
demonstrated by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases of executive leaders of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations who become everyone’s standard.
Secondly
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors is making money. Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "requires", "required".
require
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living,
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attach much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

However
, I consider that working is not always the most main components. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
things to take care about such as relationships, hobbies, health, ….
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should balance between workloads and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, paying
Did you mean "too"?
to
much attention to tasks will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the mental and physical heath,
Possible spelling mistake found.
easpecially
cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, insomnia.
In contrast
, having a balance in both work and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to relieve" or "relieve".
relieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and focusing more effective.

Lastly
, it is comprehensible why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put work on top,
however
,
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
it will be
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know how to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay The most essential component of a person’s life is his or her time at working place.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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