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the more a product is advertised, the more people will want to buy it

the more a product is advertised, the more people will want to buy it q6oqr
It is true that more advertising is the best way to attract more customers. While I agree with this view, I believe that people pay more attention the quality of the products than influencing advertisements. On the one hand, advertising is necessary in free market economies. Business companies use glamorous, successful people to advertise their products because the majority of people purchase things which are advertised. Companies manipulate people to sell more their products. As a result, the rates of sell increase due to the advertisements. Another key reason for this, people enjoy adverts because they have become a form of modern art. They try to give all beneficial information about their items. Furthermore, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. If they watch them on TV or on mobile phone, they persuade their parents to buy these things. As a consequence, it creates more demand for demand for products. However, advertising should be regulated. They always provide with false information or products that are harmful. For this key reason most people do not believe things. They are not appropriate items they want. Due to this fact people try to avoid buying advertised things. They prefer purchase high quality and tested rather than influencing by advertisements. As a result, demand for products which are advertised may decrease gradually. In conclusion, while I accept that advertising is a key part of attracting more customers, I believe that some people avoid buying advertised items for a variety of reasons which I mentioned above.
It is true that more advertising is the best way to attract more customers. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
than influencing advertisements.

On the one hand, advertising is necessary in free market economies. Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glamorous, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sell more their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
As a result
, the rates of sell increase due to the advertisements. Another key reason for this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy adverts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have become a form of modern art. They try to give all beneficial information about their items.
Furthermore
, children can
easily
be influenced
by advertisements. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them on TV or on mobile phone, they persuade their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these things. As a consequence, it creates more
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "demand for".
demand for demand for
products.

However
, advertising should
be regulated
. They always provide with false information or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are harmful. For this key reason most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not believe things. They are not appropriate items they want. Due to this fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to avoid buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
things. They prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
high quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
rather
than influencing by advertisements.
As a result
, demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
may decrease
gradually
.

In conclusion
, while I accept that advertising is a key part of attracting more customers, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
items for a variety of reasons which I mentioned above.
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IELTS essay the more a product is advertised, the more people will want to buy it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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