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The modern life is harmful for people as it brings a lot of pressure and reduces quality of relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

The modern life is harmful for people as it brings a lot of pressure and reduces quality of relationships. xmaB6
Nowadays, the world is developing, and people have more modern life than in the past. However, some people think that it is baneful because it brings a lot of pressure and the quality of relationships is reducing while others do no. While I agree that people do not get closer to each other, I disagree that people may be stressful. On the one hand, I agree that the quality of personal relationships now is decreasing. For example, Facebook, Instagram, and so on is are the most popular social media in the world. They attract people to use so that they only contact through those apps and do not want to hang out. If people go to the a café or the a restaurant, they don’t talk much, and use their phones instead. People in the city don’t have much free time to meet their friends or relatives because they work a lot to have money to raise their family families. Nevertheless, I disagree that modern life brings a lot of pressure. First, there are many places to relax such as cinemas, parks, …Secondly, there are robots to help people to do the housework, to buy things, …For example, if you are too tired after a hard-working day, and you have to clean your house or feed your pets, a robot will help you. Finally, the internet can give information to anything that people don’t know, so they don’t have to worry. In conclusion, while modern life reduces the quality of relationships, I don’t think that it brings a lot of pressure for people.
Nowadays, the world is developing, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more modern life than in the past.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is baneful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pressure and the quality of relationships is reducing while others do no. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer to each other, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be stressful.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the quality of personal relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is decreasing.
For example
, Facebook, Instagram, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on is are the most popular social media in the world. They attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contact through those apps and do not want to hang out. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
café or
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
restaurant, they don’t talk much, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their phones
instead
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the city don’t have much free time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends or relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to have money to raise their family families.

Nevertheless
, I disagree that modern life brings a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pressure.
First
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places to relax such as cinemas, parks, …
Add a space between sentences
Secondly
, there are robots to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do the housework, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things, …
Add a space between sentences
For
example, if you are too tired after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day, and you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
clean your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or feed your pets, a robot will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you.
Finally
, the internet can give information to anything that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry.

In conclusion
, while modern life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the quality of relationships, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it brings a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pressure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay The modern life is harmful for people as it brings a lot of pressure and reduces quality of relationships.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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