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The man expresses his opinion about the university's plan. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The man expresses his opinion about the university's plan. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Some often believe that it is more beneficial to work for different companies instead of working for a single company whole life, while others don’t. As far as I am concerned, I think it is more advantageous to work for a single organization as the chances of growth and promotion increase. Providing services for whole life to an organization shows how dedicated and loyal an employee is to the company. Employees sticking to work for one organization have a sense of satisfaction and freedom from fear of new job assignments and loads. They have worked for years, so they are aware of the job type and can do it efficiently. Take, for example, an annual statistical report of 2015 suggested that 75% of the employees working in an environment for years had good satisfactory levels. On the other hand, people who work for multiple organisations tend to possess a wider range of skill sets and experiences, they are mostly broad-minded and can adapt to any job environment with ease. For instance, a friend of mine, Sunny, has experience of working in different environments, he is able to adapt to any sort of situation or workplace. Finally, in my opinion working in a single workplace is more fruitful as it shows your dedication and loyalty to the company and it will provide more opportunities for promotion and enough time for personal growth. To sum up, both views have their own significance, but to me working for a single organisation is more beneficial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that it is more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
whole life, while others don’t. As far as I
am concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
organization as the chances of growth and promotion increase.

Providing services for whole life to an organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how dedicated and loyal an employee is to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Employees sticking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for one organization have a sense of satisfaction and freedom from fear of new job assignments and loads. They have worked for years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are aware of the job type and can do it
efficiently
. Take,
for example
, an annual statistical report of 2015 suggested that 75% of the employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an environment for years had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
satisfactory levels.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for multiple
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
tend to possess a wider range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets and experiences, they are
mostly
broad-minded and can adapt to any job environment with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
For instance
, a friend of mine, Sunny, has experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environments, he is able to adapt to any sort of situation or workplace.

Finally
, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
workplace is more fruitful as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
your dedication and loyalty to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and it will provide more opportunities for promotion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for personal growth.

To sum up, both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
is more beneficial.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The man expresses his opinion about the university's plan. State his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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