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the lack of excise of adults

the lack of excise of adults 5rdp
TASK 2 These days, the lack of excise of adults become more a severe problem. Although most people often played sports at their small age, adults do not excise as much as children. This problem is caused by the change of lifestyles. The main reason why adults do not much excise is related their jobs. In general, they work at each work place about 8 hours, 5 th a week. It is quite long time so, it is difficult for adults to spend excising as children. Also, some people are hardly to move their body if they are office workers. Because they have to work in front of their laptop by sitting on the chairs. Moreover, it is considered the difference of commuting. Children like elementary school students commute to their school by walking. In contrast, adults commute by their own cars or using public transportations, That is why adults naturally decrease the oppotunities to excise. To solve this problem, adults should be motivated to move physically activities. It is effective way to walk or using bicycles for adult commuters instead of their car or using public transportation systems. To change dramatically, for instance to go to a training gym every day, is unrealistic. However, changing the small things makes people easy to start and continue for a long time. way to keep motivating for playing sports is to play with children. It is true that children play sports much more than adults. If they have own children, they can go to parks and play with tracking and ball playing. Even though they do not have children, they can join the event which the instract with kids through the sports. These kind of activities is enjoyable so adults can play sports with excited. To sum up, adults can not excise because of their works. However, it is possible to urge them to play sports. In that case, to start exercising from small steps and doing with joy is important for keeping their motivation.
TASK 2

These days, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excise
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
become
Did you mean "a more severe"?
more a severe
problem. Although most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excise
as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This problem
is caused
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of lifestyles.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do not much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excise
is related
their jobs.
In general
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place about 8 hours,
Did you mean "5th"?
5 th
a week. It is quite long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to spend excising as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are hardly to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their body if they are office workers.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in front of their laptop by sitting on the chairs.
Moreover
, it
is considered
the difference of commuting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
like elementary school students commute to their school by walking.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
commute by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars or using public transportations,
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
naturally
decrease the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppotunities
to excise.

To solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
physically
activities. It is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a effective".
effective
way to walk or using bicycles for adult commuters
instead
of their car or using public transportation systems. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
dramatically
,
for instance
to go to a training gym every day, is unrealistic.
However
, changing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and continue for a long time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
motivating for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. If they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can go to parks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with tracking and ball playing.
Even though
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which the
Possible spelling mistake found.
instract
with kids through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of activities is enjoyable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with excited.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their works.
However
, it is possible to urge them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
In that case
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exercising from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
steps and doing with joy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for keeping their motivation.
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IELTS essay the lack of excise of adults

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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