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the issue of how to spend the national budget, a great people claim that the governments should continue to focus on education. However, others believe that the entertainment for adult should also receive financial support from the states. This essay will discuss both view before presenting my personal stand on this topic.

the issue of how to spend the national budget, a great people claim that the governments should continue to focus on education. However, others believe that the entertainment for adult should also receive financial support from the states. This essay will 2xoX6
When it comes to the issue of how to spend the national budget, a great people claim that the governments should continue to focus on education. However, others believe that the entertainment for adult should also receive financial support from the states. This essay will discuss both view before presenting my personal stand on this topic. From one side, many people claim that the importance of education must be recognised by the government. First, it is undeniable that education is the key to the development of any country. Policy markets generally agree that investing in early education has the highest returns. Failing to provide the citizens with all the opportunities shool can have knock-on impacts that follow than through their whole life. It is a fact that an individual without any post-school qualifications is 20 percent less likely to be in a job, and twice as likely to be unemployed as someone with it. Second, education is a fundamental right for everyone. It remains one of the most important duties of any government and it is a public responsibility to provide access to high quality education for everyone. As the standard of education is improved, this lead to improvements in other areas including science, technology, health care. Therefore, public invesment to ensure a good educational in frastructure for lifelong learning is necessary. From the other side, some people assert that a greater emphasis should be put on funding for in recreational activities for young people. The first reson is that entertainment plays a crucial role in a person’s mental health. More specifically, certain forms of entertainment such as painting, making cake, playing chess help us to relieve stress, regain energy and divert our mind from day-to-day worries. Entertaining activities is essential in this era when there has been a considerable growth in the number of people suffering from stress due to their work and study. In addition, the entertainment industry creates jobs for millions of people, and also contributes to the national budget. It is critical to realize that actists, actors, dancers, composers ect are doing their part to drive the economy forward. Therefore, the states should have adequate investment in this sector. In conclusion, there are mixed opinions on this topic, but I am more likely to agree with the idea that a smarter population can help to build up a powerful nation. Education should always remain the top priority of any country and investment in entertainment should be a secondary task if resources allow.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the issue of how to spend the national budget, a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should continue to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, others believe that the entertainment for adult should
also
receive financial support from the states. This essay will discuss both view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
presenting my personal stand on this topic.

From one side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
First
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key to the development of any country. Policy markets
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that investing in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has the highest returns. Failing to provide the citizens with all the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "opportunities'" or "opportunity's"?
opportunities
Possible spelling mistake found.
shool
can have knock-on impacts that follow than through their whole life. It is a fact that an individual without any post-school qualifications is 20 percent less likely to be in a job, and twice as likely to
be unemployed
as someone with it.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a fundamental right for everyone. It remains one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
duties of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and it is a public responsibility to provide access to high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for everyone. As the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, this lead to improvements in other areas including science, technology, health care.
Therefore
, public
Possible spelling mistake found.
invesment
to ensure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational in
Possible spelling mistake found.
frastructure
for lifelong learning is necessary.

From the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that a greater emphasis should
be put
on funding for in recreational activities for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
first
Possible spelling mistake found.
reson
is that entertainment plays a crucial role in a person’s mental health. More
specifically
, certain forms of entertainment such as painting, making cake, playing chess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, regain energy and divert our mind from day-to-day worries. Entertaining activities is essential in this era when there has been a considerable growth in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to their work and study.

In addition
, the entertainment industry creates jobs for millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
also
contributes to the national budget. It is critical to realize that
Possible spelling mistake found.
actists
, actors, dancers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
composers ect
are doing their part to drive the economy forward.
Therefore
, the states should have adequate investment in this sector.

In conclusion
, there
are mixed
opinions on this topic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that a smarter population can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build up a powerful nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
should always remain the top priority of any country and investment in entertainment should be a secondary task if resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
.
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IELTS essay the issue of how to spend the national budget, a great people claim that the governments should continue to focus on education. However, others believe that the entertainment for adult should also receive financial support from the states. This essay will

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
416 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • the issue of how to spend the national budget, a great people claim that the governments should continue to focus on education. However, others believe that the entertainment for adult should also receive financial support from the states. This essay will discuss both view before presenting my personal stand on this topic.